Death in the Family
by Peacewish
Summary: Tragically, the one Sakura called Father has left his children forever. Now it's up to Touya and his sister to face the world together.
1. ch1 the funeral

**Chapter 1**

**'the funeral'**

It was nearing the end of a beautiful autumn day.  The sun was beginning its slide down the sky, throwing its light on the golden and scarlet leaves in the trees near the bottom of the hill.  A teenage boy paused by one of them to straighten his tie.  His suit was a little rumpled after the flight, but it couldn't be helped.  He was already late as it was.  They were there, halfway up the gentle slope.

He did not particularly want to be there.  He wished he didn't have to be.  But she needed him.  With a sigh he shouldered his bag and made his way toward the small group, heading toward a girl about his own age.  Not wanting to disturb anyone else, he just tapped her softly on the shoulder.  She turned, her normally pale face even whiter than usual and streaked with tears.

"Oh Li-kun," she whispered, and hugged him.  "You're here.  Thank god."

"I came as soon as I could.  How is she?"  Tomoyo pulled away with fresh tears welling up in her eyes.

"A little lost, I think.  I don't know.  They've both been quiet.  I can't even imagine what they're going through right now."

They both turned to face the other teenage girl, and Tomoyo laid her head on his shoulder.

Sakura's shoulder-length hair was moving slightly with the evening breeze; other than that, she was completely still.  Clutching the hand of the young man on either side of her, she looked as though she herself might blow away at any moment.  Li ached for her; she looked so fragile and delicate.  He leaned over to whisper in Tomoyo's ear.

"How did this happen?"

- - - - - - - -

This can't be happening.  It isn't happening.  There's got to be some kind of mistake.  This can't be happening.  It isn't happening.  There's got to be some kind of mistake.

Those same three sentences kept running through his mind, over and over again, ever repeating, never ceasing.

For the zillionth time, the cab was forced to stop at a red light, and Touya exploded.

"We're close enough, damn it!"  He kicked open the door and broke into a run down the sidewalk.

"Hey!"

"Gomen," Yukito apologized.  He threw some cash into the front seat.  "Keep the change."  He scrambled out of the car and hurried to keep up with his friend.  "Toya!  Matte!"

Touya paid no attention as he raced down the length of the block, and then up the hospital drive to the Emergency Room entrance.

This can't be happening.  It isn't happening.  There's got to be some kind of mistake.

"Kinomoto Fujitaka!" he shouted desperately at the receptionist.  She looked up, startled.

"I'm sorry?"

"Kinomoto Fujitaka!  Where is he?"  Yukito caught up at last, panting hard.

"My friend just got a call from this hospital," he explained.  "His father was admitted an hour ago.  Kinomoto Fujitaka."  She nodded and began to look at the roster of admittances.

"Just one minute."

"No," Touya snarled.  "Now!"  He brought his fists down on the desk and she jumped a little.

"Toya!"  Yukito put a hand on his shoulder, and Touya shrugged him off.

"This has got to be some kind of mistake, Yuki.  I need to see him, I've got to see that it was an error."

The receptionist was calling a doctor to the desk now.

"What room is he in?  Tell me, already!"

"Kinomoto-san?"

"What?"  A doctor was at his side now, with a look in his eyes that filled Touya with dread.

"Kinomoto-san, I'm afraid I have some bad news - "

"Oh no."  Touya took a step forward.  "Oh no, don't you even start with that.  Where's my father, damn it?"

"Kinomoto-san, your father suffered a major heart attack.  He was in very critical condition when he arrived - "

"I will not ask again.  _Where is my father?_"

Touya was starting to look dangerous, and the doctor gulped.

"Room #5.  Kinomoto-san, your father - "  Touya didn't wait, but whirled around and ran down the corridor, with Yukito right on his heels.

- - - - - - -

The desperate fury was gone.  Touya was very still and quiet now as he gazed down at his father on the bed.  Fujitaka's eyes were closed, peaceful, and his glasses were missing.  Not that he'd need them anymore.

Yukito waited patiently for ten minutes, then approached the bed.

"Toya?"

"How could this happen?"  His voice was cracked and strained, and so low that Yukito could barely hear it.  "He was so healthy.  He was always in good shape.  He was a runner.  How could this happen?"

"The doctor says it was a lot of things.  Stress, overwork… it was one of those heart attacks that just," he swallowed, "happens."

"Just happens," Touya repeated dully.  "Just like that, it's over.  I've lost another parent."  No one was even with him when he died.  Touya reached out and brushed his father's hair delicately, then pulled the sheet back over his head.

"Yuki."

"Hai?"

"I have to tell her."

"I know."

"I need you to come with me."  Yukito gingerly placed his hand on Touya's shoulder, but this time Touya didn't react.  His head was bowed; he was struggling to contain himself now.

"Of course I'll come with you.  But are you up for it?"

"Doesn't matter about me.  She has to know."

- - - - - -

Sakura paused in surprise when she saw Touya and Yukito standing in the junior high schoolyard.

"Hey, your brother's here," commented Tomoyo.  "Isn't he normally in class at this hour?"

"Yeah, I thought so."  Sakura looked at her friend quizzically and shrugged.  "I wonder what's up."  She smiled and waved at the two men and crossed the yard.

"Ne Onii-chan, what are you doing here?"

Her brother remained oddly silent, just looking at her.  She felt a twinge of worry.

"Nii-chan?  Is something wrong?"

"Would you excuse us, Tomoyo-san?"  Sakura didn't like that, and she frowned a little.

"Nii-chan, what's wrong?"

Still he wouldn't speak.  Yukito reached for Tomoyo's hand and led her away.

"Come on, Tomoyo-san.  Toya has to tell Sakura-chan something important."

"Nani?"  He was pulling her gently away from her friend, out of earshot.  "Yukito-san, what's going on?"

"Tomoyo-san, something bad happened today."  Those gentle brown eyes behind the glasses were filled with pain as he leaned in close and told her the news.

"Oh god no.  No, it can't be true."  She put a hand over her mouth and turned back to her best friend.  Like Yukito had, Touya was leaning down, saying it quietly.  Sakura took a step back, shaking her head, and Touya just looked down.  She gave a choking gasp, and her knees buckled; Touya caught her before she hit the ground and hugged her close as she began to sob.

"No," she cried over and over again.  "No.  No.  No!"

"I'm sorry, Sakura," he whispered.  "It's true.  He's gone."  She was completely limp, and he had to pick her up in his arms.  She weighed practically nothing; she was so helpless, so fragile, sobbing hysterically.  His poor little sister.  She needed him.

"Don't worry, Sakura, I'm here."  His own eyes remained dry as he tried to pull her hair away from her wet face.  "It'll be okay."

- - - - - - -

The funeral ended at last, and the small crowd dispersed.  Mostly Fujitaka's friends and colleagues at the university, they weren't really sure if they should approach the children or not.  Eventually they all filtered away, leaving them alone by the two graves.  Touya stared at the chiseled names in the glow of the late afternoon sun.

Three days since that horrible day.  Three days of waking nightmares, of fading and re-emerging pain.  Three days of stunned disbelief mixed with wild grief.  Maybe now that he was buried, it would get better.

He squeezed Sakura's hand.  "They're together now.  It's all he's wanted since she left."

She didn't respond, and he exchanged glances with Yukito over her head.  Then Yukito leaned down a little.

"Look, Sakura-chan.  Li-kun's come.  He's over there with Tomoyo-san.  Why don't you go say hi?"

Still no reaction, and they had to pull her gently away from the two headstones.  Once she was no longer facing them, she seemed to return to reality somewhat, and blinked and shook her head a little.

"Are you ready to go home?"

"Go on," she whispered.  "I'll be there in a minute."

She pulled her hands out of theirs.  Touya hesitated; he didn't like leaving her alone, but Yukito grabbed his arm and pulled him away.

"Come on, Toya.  Let her have a minute alone with him."

Her brother backed away reluctantly and they turned to go back down the hill.  Tomoyo shared another hug with Sakura, then followed.  Finally it was just the two of them.

"He's gone, Syaoran."

"I know."

"It was so quick."

"Yes."

She hugged her arms to herself, trembling.

"I'm scared to leave.  They buried him; he's in the ground.  If I walk away and start the rest of my life, then that's it.  It really is over."  Fresh tears were starting to flow.  Unable to hold back anymore, he wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly.

"You have to do it, Sakura.  He's gone, and there's nothing you can do about it.  Going back to your life won't change anything."  She only cried harder at that, and he stroked his fingers through her hair.  "It's terrible, I know.  But he wouldn't want you to sit here in the graveyard for the rest of your life, now would he?  He didn't do that when his wife died."  Now she was really sobbing, and he winced.

"I guess that didn't help, either.  I'm not really saying the right things, I know.  But Sakura, I lost my father once too.  The only thing that works is time.  You have to go back to your life, and you have to give it time.  It's the only way."  He could feel her nod on his shoulder.

"I loved my father."

"I know."

"I don't want him to be dead!"

"I know.  But your brother is waiting for you by the car.  You can't stay here."

The sun had almost reached the treetops, and he repositioned himself to put an arm around her shoulders.  "It's time to go."

Miserably she nodded, and he steered her toward the graveyard entrance.  Touya was pacing by the car, and shot an irritable look at Li out of old habit.  Li had to force himself to ignore it.

"You know I love you, right?"  Again she nodded.  "I'll stay in town for as long as you want me to.  I want to be here for you, Sakura.  Okay?"

"Okay," she sniffled.  "I love you too."

- - - - - -

There was no response to his soft knock on the door, and Touya pushed it open.  She was on the bed, her arms wrapped around the neck of Kero in his gigantic form.  There was a deep, throaty purr emanating from the beast as he nuzzled his Mistress and tried to comfort her.

"Sakura, Yuki made something to eat.  Would you like to come down and have dinner?"

Wordlessly she shook her head and squeezed Kero a little tighter.  Touya wasn't sure how much she'd eaten in the past few days.  He should really force her to have something.  But she looked so delicate and vulnerable.

"Well, come down if you change your mind.  We'll save some.  All right?"  She nodded fractionally.

Downstairs, Yukito looked up at Touya's entrance and frowned a little.

"She's not coming?"

"No."  Touya sat down and pushed his noodles about the bowl.  "Not that I blame her.  I haven't had much of an appetite lately, either."

Yukito winced a tiny bit.

"I wish I could say the same, but my appetite refuses to be affected.  No offense."  That got a slight smile out of Touya.

"None taken.  I know you have your reasons."  He looked down at his bowl and heaved a sigh.

"Were you planning to go back to class tomorrow?"

"I was thinking about it, yeah.  Why?"

"Because… because I have to do something tomorrow afternoon.  And I don't want to do it, and I would feel a lot better if you were with me."  Touya stared very hard at his food while he said this.  He hated asking for help, but he was desperate.

Yukito raised his eyebrows, but didn't ask.  Instead he just patted Touya's hand.

"I'll help you out, Toya, don't worry about it."  His hand remained on Touya's maybe just a second longer than it should have, and he blushed slightly as he pulled it back.  Touya didn't seem to notice, too busy studying his dinner.

"Don't mention anything to Sakura."

"Okay.  Why, what's it about?"  Touya gave him a haunted look.

"Her future."

- - - - - -

Fujitaka leaned over and kissed the top of her head.

"Forget," he whispered.

She awoke with a start.  It was nearing midnight now, she saw, and the house was very quiet.  Kero had gone to sleep beside her, his deep rhythmic breathing filling the room.  The familiar ache crashed down over her and she shrank back against the bed; every time she woke she had to remember all over again.  It hurt too much to bear.

A persistent rumble in her stomach cut through the pain and she rolled off the bed, quietly, so as not to disturb her guardian.  Carefully she made her way downstairs to the kitchen, but once she was standing in front of the fridge, she couldn't bring herself to open it.  Instead she just stared at it.

"Forget how to use your arms?"  She jumped and whirled around.  Yukito was there, wearing an old pair of faded flannel pants and a bemused expression.

"Yukito-san, you scared me.  Did I wake you?"

"No.  It's about normal snack time for me.  Looks like you could use something too."  He reached past her to open the fridge.  "There are plenty of leftovers; I'm sure we can come up with something."

"Oh – well, I – uh… I don't know.  I don't know if I'm really all that hungry."  Her stomach betrayed her with a particularly loud gurgle, and she flushed.  Yukito smiled.

"Sure you are.  There's no need to feel guilty about eating, Sakura-chan. Do you really think your father would want you to starve to death?"

"Well, no, but - "

"Then eat something.  It's something normal you can do.  You'll feel better."  He steered her into a chair and reheated a plate of noodles.  Once in front of her, they sent up a delicate wisp of steam and she stared at them longingly.

"Normal.  Everybody wants me to go back to normal; everybody wants me to forget and get on with my life.  It's not that simple."

"I know it."  He dropped into the chair next to hers.  "I know it's not that simple.  But Sakura-chan, it's really your only choice.  I mean, what else can you do?"

She looked up sharply at that, then turned her head to look up the stairs.

"Well, I - "

"Yue says you better not even be thinking about trying to use the Cards somehow on your father.  They are absolutely not meant to be used that way."

She closed her mouth with a snap and slumped in the seat.

"You're right.  I'm not even sure which Card I could use, really.  Some all-powerful sorceress I am."

"Even Clow Reed couldn't stop death," Yukito reminded her.  "Everybody has their time to go, you know that.  Sakura-chan, why are you punishing yourself like this?  I'm beginning to worry about you."

She stared at her untouched food.

"Because… because I - "  She gave a loud sob mid-sentence.  "Because I can't remember.  I'm a terrible person, and I don't deserve to eat.  I don't deserve to get on with my life!"  She broke down completely, her thin shoulders shaking with the intensity of her cries.  Anxiously Yukito lifted her off her chair and sat her in his lap.

"Shh… Sakura-chan, don't cry.  You're not a terrible person.  What can't you remember?"

"I c-can't remember if I said goodbye to him that morning," she cried.  "It was just another day.  Just a typical school morning, and I was late.  I shot out of here at full speed like I always do, and I can't even remember if I said goodbye to him.  On his last day on earth.  If only I'd known… if only I could have seen - "  Her words were lost in more sobs as she buried her face in her hands.  Yukito held her soothingly.

"Oh, Sakura-chan, you're not a terrible person.  Nobody ever gets the chance to say goodbye when there's a sudden death.  Your father knew that you loved him, and that's what's important.  You're not a bad person for wanting to eat." 

The truth of his words nestled in her heart and her tears dwindled into the occasional sniffle.  Sakura was exhausted; she was tired of crying.  It was all she'd been doing for the past three days.  Wearily she rested her head on Yukito's shoulder.

"Why are you still here, Yukito-san?  Why are you doing this?"

He'd been sleeping on their couch since the day it happened.

"Well, Yue was worried about you, for one thing."  He stroked his fingers through her hair.  "And I'm worried about your brother."

"Onii-chan?"  She frowned.  If anybody had been well adjusted throughout this whole ordeal, it was him.  "Why are you worried about Nii-chan?"

"Well, unlike the two of us, he can actually remember both deaths of his parents.  This must be a little traumatic for him."

"I suppose so…"

"He refuses to mourn, which is what worries me.  Since the day in the hospital, all he can think about is putting on a brave face for you.  He's so concerned about you that I think he's forgetting to take care of himself."

"Oh."  She gave a lengthy sigh.  "I suppose my behavior isn't helping with that."

"You have no cause to apologize.  Everybody deals with grief in a different way.  He's doing it by watching over you, and so I'm here to watch him."

She squeezed him a little.

"Yukito-san, you're such a good friend.  Where would we be without you?"

"You'd waste away to a skeleton, I think.  Now why don't you eat your dinner, hmm?  I won't be able to sleep until I know you've eaten something."  She hiccuped and nodded, reluctantly disengaging from Yukito to sit in front of her plate.

"I should try to put up a better front for Nii-chan.  I don't want him worrying about me."

"Don't worry about fronts, Sakura-chan.  You resume routine when you want to, because you're ready for it. No other reason."  She bit into a mouthful of noodles.

"Maybe.  But I think I am ready to start eating again.  I don't want him to lose sleep over me.  I've been pretty selfish these past few days."

"No, you haven't.  But I'm glad you're ready to join us for dinner again.  It'll be better for the both of you."  She looked up at the mention of 'us'.

"How long are you going to stay here, Yukito-san?  Don't you want to go back to your own house and have a little space?" 

Yukito clucked his tongue reproachfully.  "Sakura-chan, don't be silly.  I'm happy to stay as long as you both need me to.  You are my family."  He took her left hand in his, and she managed a tentative smile.

"Well, not to sound selfish, but I'm glad.  I think we need you.  I know I do."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Touya bristled and glared at the woman behind the desk.

"What do you mean, 'some problems?"  She adjusted her glasses and gave him a measuring look.

"Kinomoto-san, I'm still not sure if you understand the enormity of the task that you're trying to take on.  To take custody of a thirteen year-old girl while still attending college… quite frankly, I have my reservations."

Touya forced himself to take a deep breath.  "My father handled her and a full-time job easily enough."

"Yes sir, but you are just twenty years old.  You know that that's extremely young."

"My mother was seventeen when she had me," he pointed out.  The woman's eyebrows went slightly up at that, and she made a little sound in the back of her throat.

Oh that's _it_, thought Touya furiously, and opened his mouth.  Yukito put a warning hand on his arm and shook his head.

Good thing he'd brought him along.  Reluctantly he closed his mouth.

"And just exactly how do you think you'll manage, Kinomoto-san?"

"I'll be done with college in two years; my tuition is already taken care of with scholarship.  My father's life insurance and savings will be more than enough to feed and clothe my sister until I can get a proper job."

"Hmm…"  She was examining Sakura's file on the desk in front of her, and Touya fidgeted a little. 

"I really don't understand what the problem here is.  I am her only family, I'm the only one left.  Who else is there?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, there has been one other contender for the guardianship of your sister.  It seems that your mother had a cousin by the name of Daidouji Sonomi-san - "

"What?" Touya yelped.  "You mean she's trying to take Sakura?  That w - "  Yukito clapped a hand over Touya's mouth.

"Toya, can I talk to you?"  He turned to the social worker.  "Excuse us for a minute."  He yanked Touya out of his chair and half-dragged him into the hallway outside the office.  His friend was looking at him with agonized eyes.

"Yuki, they can't!  They just can't take her away from me.  I need her.  She needs me!"

"Shh, Toya, calm down.  You know Daidouji-san loves Sakura-chan to pieces, and there's no question that she can afford to give her anything she wants.  Sakura-chan could have a mother figure for the first time in her life, and she'll be with her best friend.  It's not a bad idea."

Toya looked horrified.

"But who will protect her, look out for her?"

"She'll still have Cerberus with her, you know that.  And I'll be around.  It'll be the same as always."

"It's not fair, Yuki.  I don't want to give her up.  I'll be all alone."

"Toya, you'll never be completely alone.  I'll be here for you, I swear."  Yukito clapped a hand on his shoulder as Touya stared numbly at the wall.

"She's my sister.  I love her so much…"

"Then shouldn't her happiness be what's important?" Yukito asked gently.  "Shouldn't she be the one to decide?"

Touya met his eyes at last.  They were swimming with tears for the first time since the heart attack.

"I don't want to lose her, Yuki."

"She'll always be your sister.  Nothing will change that."  Touya didn't look stable.  Yukito gripped him in a hug as he began to cry.

"You're right," he choked.  "She should get to decide.  I – I have to… give her the choice."

"It's okay, Toya.  It'll work out for the best.  I promise."

- - - - - -

For the first time since his death, there were three people at the table for dinner that night.  Not to mention Kero, sitting in front of his own plate right on the table.  He would not have to hide anymore.

It was nice, Sakura thought.  She almost smiled when Kero and Yukito had to fight over the last roll.  It felt almost like a family again.

Touya felt his spirits lift when he saw her eating and talking again.  She was finally starting to heal, it seemed, and that made him feel better than he had in a while.  But dinner was winding up, and it couldn't be put off anymore.

"I'll do the dishes," he announced.  Sakura immediately stood up.

"I'll help.  You've been doing them every day."

"No, it's okay.  I want to do them."  He pulled the plate out of her hands and gave Yukito a significant look.

"Come on, Sakura-chan."  Yukito stood and extended his hand.  "It's a beautiful evening.  Why don't we go take a walk?"

"Can I come?"

"Not this time, Cerberus.  I need to talk to Sakura-chan."

She frowned a little and bit her lip, but Yukito was smiling innocently.

"All right," she agreed uncertainly.  "You sure you don't mind, Nii-chan?"  She was pulling her jacket down off the hook, and she didn't see his face.

"No," he forced himself to say.  "You go ahead."

- - - - - -

It was indeed a beautiful evening.  Sakura watched the sun set over the creek as they paused by the park.  The vibrant firework colors of the trees attracted her attention for the first time in days, bathed in the fading golden light and reflected in the still water.  It was a scene designed to calm any troubled soul.

A tiny sigh escaped her, and Yukito squeezed her hand and smiled.  He'd been very quiet since they left the house.

"What did you want to talk about, Yukito-san?"

Now it was his turn to sigh, and he led her to the swing set.  "It's not so much that I want to talk about it.  But it has to be done."

"What does?"  He sat her down in a swing and took the one next to it.  He looked as though he wasn't quite sure how to begin.

"Sakura-chan, your brother loves you very much, you know."

"I know."  She looked at him curiously, and he took a deep breath.

"Toya would like to think that he would do a good job of taking care of you.  But he wants you to be happy. We both do."

"Yukito-san, what are you talking about?"

"Sakura-chan, Daidouji-san would like you to live with her.  And Toya would like you to stay with him.  He wanted me to talk to you about it because he didn't want to pressure you.  He just wants you to be happy."  The words came out a little too fast, and her young green eyes looked dazed.

"What?"

"You're a minor, Sakura-chan," Yukito explained, more carefully.  "And the government says that you need a guardian."

"Kami-sama," she whimpered.  "And I'm supposed to choose?"

"Well, I think you should be allowed to weigh in.  It is your life, after all."

"Oh."  Glassily she stared at the penguin slide in front of them.

Maybe it was too soon to bring it up, he thought worriedly.  It's too much. But she needed to know.

"Sakura-chan, daijoubu?"  She was running her fingers distractedly through her hair now, pulling it back from her face.

"It's not enough that I lost him," she muttered.  "Now I have to choose someone to replace him.  Why is this happening to me?"

"No one is asking you to replace your dad, Sakura-chan.  But someone needs to be your legal guardian.  You know your brother and Daidouji-san both love you.  I think you'd be all right in either situation.  You think about what will make you happiest."

She stood up abruptly and began to walk away.

"Sakura-chan?"

"Would you excuse me, Yukito-san?  I need to go to Tomoyo-chan's."

"Have you - "

"No.  I just want to see her."  The sun dipped below the horizon, and she hugged her jacket close to her body.

Yukito waited until she was out of sight in the dusk, and then he stood.

- - - - - -

The maid opened the door and smiled at Sakura.

"She's still at dinner, miss.  Shall I call her?"

"Don't bother."  She marched past her and kicked off her shoes.  "I know my way around this house."

It was such a beautiful house.  Sakura padded down the hallway on the thick scarlet carpet.  Priceless artwork hung on the walls, lit by the glow of shaded lamps.  Tomoyo and Li were just finishing dinner in the small dining room when she finally found them.

"Oh Sakura-chan, hi."  Surprised, Tomoyo stood and embraced her.  "How are you feeling?"

"A little better."  Gratefully she returned the squeeze, then smiled at Li.  "Would you excuse us, Syaoran?  I really need to talk to Tomoyo-chan."  He nodded and sat back down, and Sakura took her friend's hand to lead her upstairs.

"Where's your mom?"

"She had to work late again."

"Uh-huh."  Sakura nodded thoughtfully.

"So… I guess you've heard."

"Yeah.  Tonight."  Tomoyo clutched at her friend's hand a little more tightly.

"Look, I want to show you something."  She opened a bedroom door.  "It's right next to mine.  Isn't it great?"

The room was huge, with a bay window overlooking the yard and its own luxurious bathroom.

"It could be yours.  Think how much fun it would be; we could be sisters."  She smiled timidly at Sakura, who smiled back.

"It would be fun."  She looked around, taking it all in, then sat on the edge of the four-poster bed.  "I just came over to see it again.  To remind myself how beautiful it was."

- - - - - -

Touya practically jumped out of his chair when Yukito returned.

"Where is she?  What did she say?"

"She didn't say anything.  And she had to go over to Tomoyo-san's."

"What?"  Touya looked stricken, and Yukito winced.

"Toya, it doesn't mean anything.  They're best friends; she probably just wanted to talk."

"Yeah, sure."  Toya slammed his textbook down on the counter.  "Or maybe she just wanted to check out the size of her new walk-in closet and calculate how many new dresses she'll be able to fit in it."

"Toya," Yukito remonstrated.  "Try to be rational.  Sakura-chan is not going to decide it that way."

"Uh-huh."  He gripped the counter's edge and leaned over, his scowl growing darker by the second.  He looked so frustrated and scared.

"Toya, you can't keep panicking like this.  What will happen will happen."  His only response was a dark glower.  "I know what this is."

"Do you?"

"Toya, you need her.  Taking care of her distracts you from your own grief.  As long as she's around you, you don't have to worry about taking care of yourself."

Touya had no reply to this, and paced a little in the kitchen.

"Maybe.  So what if I am?"

"Because it's unhealthy, that's what.  I know you love your sister, but you should want to be her guardian because it's good for her.  Not for you."  Yukito was getting annoyed by Touya's frantic pacing and he reached out to grab his arm mid-step.

"Your dad died, Toya.  Allow yourself the luxury of grief, for crying out loud.  You are not responsible for everything in her life!"

Toya knocked Yukito's hand away.  "Don't you ever get tired of being the shoulder, Yuki?  Stop the goddamn therapy routine already.  She's my sister; I want to take care of her.  Simple as that.  She's all I've got left!"

"You keep saying that," Yukito snapped.  "You know it's not true.  You're not as alone as you think you are."  They were practically nose-to-nose now, both glaring and breathing heavily.  "You have me, okay?  I'll be here.  No matter what."

There was a flicker of confusion and surprise in Touya's dark eyes, then fear, then finally gratitude.

"I know," he said quietly.  "And I thank you for it."

"Good.  Just so long as we're in agreement."

Touya was sick and tired of being the strong one.  In all of an instant his resolve crumbled and he threw himself against Yukito, crushed their bodies together and sealed their lips in a desperate kiss.  He would rather feel anything than one more second of this grief and he sought relief in the sudden unexpected passion.  Yukito didn't fight him but pushed forward, meeting him in the kiss with a matching hunger. 

Neither questioned it.  It was too wonderful for that.

- - - - - - -

Li was waiting by the base of the stairway when the girls finally came back down.

"It's getting late.  I should get going."  Tomoyo nodded, then reached out for another hug.

"See you tomorrow, Sakura-chan?"

"I think so, yeah."  They smiled, and then Sakura reached for Li's hand.  "Will you walk me home, Syaoran?"

"Of course."

He waited until they were outside on the porch before he said anything.  "You've decided, haven't you?"  She nodded.

"I don't want to talk about it."  She pulled on her jacket and slipped her hand into his again.  "Instead I'd like to thank you for coming all the way here to be with me in this incredibly difficult time.  It means a lot to me."

"It was nothing."

"No, it was more than that.  You're wonderful."  She paused and looked up at the evening sky.  The stars were so clear and bright.  She startled Li with a small giggle.

"What?"

"Oh, I was just thinking.  Nii-chan swears that Mom has been around, watching us grow up.  He can't see her anymore now, but we both think that she's still there.  I suppose that means Dad can see us now too."

"I suppose."

"I was just wondering what he's making of it all.  Kero-chan, the Cards, all of it.  That's quite a shock, on top of discovering that you're dead."  She giggled again, and Li smiled.  "I'm sorry.  I know I shouldn't be laughing, but…"

"No, it's okay.  It's healthy.  You're right; it is a little funny.  And he might be shocked, but at least he's not alone.  Your mom is with him.  They're probably very happy, together at last."

"I'm sure of it."  She gave him a curious glance.  "How much do you remember of your father?"

"Not much," he admitted.  "Bits and pieces.  He was very stern, like most people in my family.  Dark eyes, like mine.  I do remember him sneaking a proud glance my way a couple of times.  I think he was relieved that he finally had a son, after all those girls."

"Do you miss him?"

"Not really.  It's more like I miss having a father, period.  I just didn't know him well enough."

"I understand.  It's the same with Mom.  Poor Nii-chan.  He remembers both of them well enough to miss them.  I can only imagine how hard this must be for him."

"He's strong.  He can handle it."

"I know.  But it's still hard."  Her house came into view.  "How long do you think you can stay?"

"I told you, as long as you need."

"At least until the weekend is over?  It would be nice to do something with you.  Something… normal."

"I would be more than glad to help you with that," he assured her.  "I won't leave Japan until I'm sure you're all right."

They came to a stop outside her front door.

"Arigatou."

"You're welcome.  I love you."

"I love you too."

She was smiling a little sadly, and Li brushed his hand over her cheek.  Her skin was so soft, and her lips were so inviting.  Was it wrong to want to kiss her at a time like this?

He hesitated, but she didn't.  Longing to feel anything besides the familiar ache, she reached up and planted her mouth right on his.  Surprised but pleased, he responded, and they kissed until Touya opened the door and grabbed Li by his shirt to slam him against the side of the house.

"Oh hi, Nii-chan," Sakura said brightly.  Her brother narrowed his eyes and tightened his grip on Li's shirt.

"Don't you 'hi, Nii-chan' me.  Where the hell have you been?"

"At Tomoyo-chan's."

"And/or making out with your degenerate boyfriend on the porch?"

"Nii-chan!"

Li tried to speak up.  "Look, all we did was k - "

"Shut up," Touya snapped.  Then he turned his glare back on his sister.  "You were gone way too long, and you know it, Sakura.  I was worried sick."

"I - "

"You should not be out past nine on a school night.  Especially when I don't know where you are!"

"But I - "

"And that's another thing.  You're going back to school tomorrow.  It's been almost a  week; you've been gone long enough."

"Yes, I - "

"It's time that you got back into the normal routine of life, and I don't want to hear any argument."

"Nii-chan, I want to live with you."

"And one more thing, I - "  He broke off in surprise, not quite sure if he'd heard her correctly.  "What?"

She was smiling.  "You're my brother, and I love you.  I know that you'll take good care of me.  You're the one that I want to live with."  His grip on Li actually loosened as a big grin spread across his face. 

"Really?  You want to stay with me?"  Sakura nodded.  It was impossible not to smile, her brother looked as though he'd just been given the world.  It felt wonderful to be so cherished.  She'd known it from the start, that he was the one who loved her the most.

"Oh, thank you," he choked, and released Li completely so that he could wrap his little sister in a tight hug.  She returned the embrace enthusiastically, and he heard her sniffle a little.  He couldn't say anything, he was too afraid he would break down completely.  He could only clutch at her protectively as the waves of relief cascaded over him.  She wanted to be with him.  He wasn't going to lose her after all!

Touya had almost forgotten that Li was even there until he coughed politely.  They both looked up to see Li backing away and smiling.

"I guess I better get back to Tomoyo's.  I'm happy for you, Sakura.  I knew what you would go with."

"I'll see you tomorrow, Syaoran."

"All right."  He reached for her hand and brought it to his lips.  "Sleep well, Sakura."  He made accidental eye contact with Touya, then turned and walked away.  Sakura watched him disappear into the darkness, then squeezed her brother again.

"Come on inside, you little monster.  It's cold."  She made a noise that was halfway between exasperation and laughter, and he picked her up off her feet to deposit her inside the house.

"Hey Toya, what's taking so long - "  Yukito stopped and blushed as he came down the stairs and saw the two of them hugging.  "Oh Sakura-chan, you're back."  His face got a little redder.  He was dressed only in a pair of old kung fu workout pants, pants that had belonged to Touya for years.  Her brother cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"It's all right, Yukito-san," she spoke up.  "It's okay.  I was just telling Nii-chan that I'd like to stay here, if that's all right with him. But I have one condition.  Onii-chan still has another couple years of college to go, and I know it won't be very easy on him.  Studying and running the house and keeping an eye on me, it's a lot.  I think it would be a good idea if you moved in to help out."

"What?" they both said, a little stupidly.

"You said you would stay as long as we needed you.  I think we need you."

"Oh, well…"  He seemed a little nonplussed, but pleased as well.  "I guess we could try it out… if you don't mind, Toya."

"Oh no," he answered quickly.  "I don't mind at all."  She had to refrain from a little squeal when she saw the way they were looking at each other, and contented herself with a smile.  It was hard to believe that it had taken something like this, after so much time, but at least it had finally happened.

"Great.  I'm going to go take a shower."  She kissed her brother on the cheek and walked past Yukito by the stairs.  "Oyasumi."

"Oyasumi," they both replied.

After she'd gone, they just stared at each other for a moment.  The numb look of surprise in Touya's eyes had faded to uncertainty and Yukito regarded him a little nervously. 

"You're not regretting it, are you?" 

"No!  No, not at all.  It was…"  Touya trailed off and ran his fingers through his hair, interlocking them behind his neck.  "So good.  But maybe that's it."

"What?"

"I don't want to use you, Yuki.  I don't want you to just be another escape from the pain."  He dropped his hands and met Yukito's gaze.  "What if you're just another distraction?"

Yukito considered his words carefully, trying to ignore the tremor in his heart.  That couldn't be it.  He wouldn't let it be.

"What you said earlier, when we were…"  He half-gestured back to the stairs.  "Did you mean it?"

"When I said that I love you?" Touya repeated the words deliberately, relishing the way they felt and sounded.  He'd never been more sincere in his life.  "Yeah, I meant it."

"Then it'll be all right."  Yukito crossed the narrow kitchen in a matter of two steps and placed his hand against that beautiful dark face.  "Because I love you too."

"Well, if you're sure…"  Touya's words were lost in the kiss.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The woman smiled kindly at the young girl in front of her desk and adjusted her glasses again.

"I understand your feelings, Sakura-san.  But you do need to think about some of my concerns - "

"No," Sakura interrupted.  "I don't think you understand at all.  You're not here to listen to me or my brother, you're here to convince me that living with Daidouji-san is a good idea.  And it's not a bad idea, I grant you.  But I have stated that I would prefer to stay with my brother, and he has agreed.  Why is this not acceptable?"

"Sakura-san, you're very young.  I know you feel very close to your brother right now, but we need to consider what's best for you."

Out of the corner of her eye, Sakura saw Touya sink a little lower in his seat, and she gave a tiny sigh of frustration.

"I know I look young, but I did grow up in our house and I saw the way things worked.  The truth is, my father never did as much for me as Onii-chan did.  I loved my dad very much, but there is no question that he allowed my brother to take on a large part of watching out for me.  Onii-chan was the one who took me to school when I was younger.  Onii-chan came to watch my cheerleading performances, and my marathon races.  Onii-chan cooked dinner in the evenings when my dad was held up at work.  Onii-chan came looking for me if I was late getting home from school."

Touya couldn't help it; a smile was beginning to creep across his face.  She was entwining her fingers with his, holding his hand tightly.

"Onii-chan made sure I did my chores and my homework, and it was Onii-chan that took care of me if I got sick.  There is no one – are you listening? – no one more capable of becoming my guardian.  You want what's best for me?  Then you recognize him as such."

The social worker looked slightly taken aback.

"Well, Sakura-san, you've clearly given it some thought.  Since you're so adamant about it, I suppose we can give it a shot."

Both brother and sister exhaled in relief.

"We will be conducting check-ups of course, and observing Sakura-san's grades and her behavior in school.  If I feel that the situation isn't working, this office will take steps."

"It will be fine," Touya assured her.  "I know I can do this."

"Then sign here, please."

- - - - - -

Yukito and Li were waiting in the hallway when they left the office.

"Well?"

"It's on paper," Sakura related, glowing.  "We're good to go."  Li opened his arms and swept her up in a big hug.

"Good.  I'm so happy for you."  He dared to give her a quick kiss.

"Thanks for coming," she murmured.

"You bet."

"Why don't we go get some dinner?" Yukito suggested.  "To celebrate."  He took Touya's hand and squeezed it gently.

"All right," Touya said in a low voice.  "Does he have to come?"

"Hai."

"Hmph."  Touya glared at the boy hugging his little sister.  But even he couldn't be too annoyed, not now.  Sakura looked so happy.

"How about it, Sakura-chan?"  Yukito directed his smile at her.  "Would you like to go eat?"

Her smile faded momentarily as she looked into his eyes, then she looked back at Li and squared her shoulders.

"Yes.  Yes, I think I would.  Let's go."  Li put his arm around her shoulders and kissed her lightly on the side of her head.  Touya reached with his other hand for hers and smiled.

"Come on, then."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Disclaimer:  I do not own these characters.


	2. ch2 starting to heal

**Chapter 2**

**'starting to heal'**

**- - at one week - -**

This is nice, thought Li.  This feels…extremely good.

Sakura pressed a little closer to him, and let him explore with his tongue even further.

But it's not typical.

She was taking his hands, guiding them to her shirt.  He pulled them away; she reached for them again and placed them on her waistline. 

"Sakura?"  With some difficulty he managed to pull away from her mouth.

"What?"

"Sakura, are you all right?  You're moving a little fast."

"Don't be silly, Syaoran, I'm fine.  It's just that you're leaving tomorrow and I want to enjoy this as much as possible."  She was on him again before he had a chance to respond, so heavily that they toppled over together on the ground.  They were underneath the giant penguin slide for privacy, but Li was still a little nervous.  He didn't like to think of how many ways Touya would kill him if he happened to find them like this.

Now Sakura was rolling onto her back, pulling him on top of her.

"Okay, no."  He pushed himself off.  "Sakura, what's wrong?"  She pouted.

"Nothing's wrong.  I just want to be with you."

"And by 'with me', you mean…"

"Totally."  Her eyes lit up and she pulled him back to her by his shirt.  He had to twist her wrists to free himself.

"Ouch!"

"Sorry.  Sakura, this isn't right.  You can't do this."

"Yes, I can.  Come on.  I know you want to."  Li swallowed.  He was a fourteen year-old boy, and his body was screaming that he very much did want it.  But he knew it wasn't right.

"Sakura, this is not the way to deal with things."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes, you do."  He propped his head up on one elbow and traced his finger lovingly along the neckline of her shirt.  "This is not the way to forget your grief.  You know it won't make you feel better in the long term."

"I feel pretty good right now.  Isn't that why you're here?  To help me feel better?"

"Believe me, it's my ambition in life to help you feel good, Sakura.  But it can't happen now.  You'll only regret it later.  You're thirteen, it's just too young."  Inwardly she groaned as she looked up into his brown eyes.  He was right, she knew it; it was for the best.  But that didn't make it any easier.

"Life is so short, Syaoran."

"I know."

"One day you're here, the next you're gone.  It can happen so quick; so fast that a person can't even remember if they said goodbye to you that day or not."  She took Li's hand in hers and held it to her face, seeking comfort.

"Who knows if there was anything that he wanted to say, or do, before it happened.  Was there anything that he wanted to tell us?  Anything that he wanted to do with his life?  We'll never know now."

"I think he looked pretty content."

"Content, maybe, but fulfilled?  Happy?  I was content too.  Now I'm realizing how quickly it goes, how time can run out on you.  I don't want to die before I can have sex."

Li smiled a little sadly.  As if she didn't have anything else to worry about, or think about.  She'd latched onto this one idea to help her deal with the mourning.  Poor Sakura.

He leaned down and planted a light kiss on her soft lips.

"I promise to have sex with you before you die, Sakura.  But it will have to wait a few years.  We have to be ready.  Okay?"

She nodded, a look of regret and longing still in her eyes.  But she was impressed, nonetheless.

"You're very sweet, not taking advantage of me."

"That's me, sweet through and through."  She giggled.  "Actually, it's just because I know your brother would crucify me if he ever found out.  I'd like to live, too."  That reminded him that they had better get going.  It was starting to get dusky outside.

"Come on, we'll be late for dinner.  It will look suspicious."  He rolled to his feet and held out his hand for her.

"I suppose we should go," she sighed.  "I wish he wasn't so adamant about me being home before sunset."  She stood and brushed the dirt off her school uniform.  Li picked up her bookbag and shouldered it.

"He just wants to prove that he'll be a good parent.  I'm sure he'll relax after a few weeks.  He has his own classwork to worry about, after all." 

"Right."  She took his hand.  "Just a little more time is all he needs.  Then he'll calm down."

**- - at two weeks - -**

"Sakura!"  Touya rummaged through the fridge.  Had he remembered to buy milk?  Growing girls were supposed to get a glassful every day.  Where was the damn milk?

"Sakura, are you up?  You're going to be late!"  He bumped his head on the freezer as he stood up.

"It's already out, Toya," Yukito said calmly from the table.

"Ouch.  What?"  He rubbed his head and glared at the bottom of the staircase.  Still no Sakura.

"The milk.  I got it out five minutes ago."  He nodded to where it sat on the counter.

"Oh.  Thanks.  Sakura!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming," she snapped as she took the stairs two at a time.

"Question: do you even know how that alarm clock works?  I'd be glad to show you sometime."  She glared at him as she tried to comb out her tangled hair.  "Jesus, look at you, you're a mess."  He reached forward and brushed her hair back from her face.   "Why can't you wake up earlier?"  She knocked his hand away irritably.

"You're no picture yourself, brother."  He hadn't tucked his shirt in yet, and his tie hung around his neck.  "Look at your shirt, it's all wrinkled.  Ever hear of an iron?"  Now it was his turn to glare, and he fastened his tie around his neck.

"I would have been happy to iron my shirt if I'd had the time last night.  But somebody left her clothes in the dryer last night, and I couldn't get to it."

"What are you scowling at me for?  Yesterday was my turn for the machine."

"No, we switched.  Remember?  On Tuesday you asked to take my day because you needed to wash your uniforms."

"We switched?"

"Yep."

"Yukito-san?"

"You agreed to switch."  Her shoulders slumped in defeat.

"Damn."

"You watch your mouth, young lady.  Now get something to eat already.  You'll be late."  He returned his attention to the notes on the countertop as he tucked his shirt in.  "Don't forget the milk."

"How could I?  You're obsessed with it.  I'm not going to die of osteoporosis, you know."  She poured some cereal in a bowl.  "Anyway, it's really your fault.  If you'd come home early last night like you said you would, you could have reminded me about the laundry."

Touya's eyes roved over his notes; he really needed to memorize these formulas.

"What are you talking about?"

"My algebra.  You said you'd come home early from the library and help me with it."  Touya looked up, horrified, at Yukito.

"I did?"

Yukito nodded.  "You did."

"Damn it!"  He whirled around to face Sakura.  "Were you able to do your homework?  Is it finished?"

"Hai, Onii-chan.  I did it on the phone with Tomoyo-chan."

"Are you sure?  You have to keep your grades up, you know."

"Does the word 'duh' mean anything to you?"

She picked up her bowl and tried to move to the table; he blocked her way.

"Are you sure you understand it all right?"

"I'm fine with it, Nii-chan.  Let me sit down already."  Touya wavered.  He couldn't believe that he'd let her down like that.  What if she failed her class?  He moved back over to his notebook and opened it to an empty page.

"You say you got it?"

"Yes."

"Then here."  He finished scribbling a problem and tore off the page.  "Do this."

"Excuse me?"  He handed her a pencil.

"You should be able to do this in five minutes.  If you can't, then we're going over it this weekend.  And drink your milk."  He turned away and started to make her lunch as she gaped in astonishment.

"This borders on abuse," she complained to Yukito.  He smiled at her, amused.

"Can you do it?"

"Well…"  She blew a strand of hair out of her eyes as she studied the problem, then started to scribble.  By the time Touya was done in the kitchen, she was finished.

"Done!" she announced triumphantly.  He snatched it out of her hands to check it.

"Okay… it's correct."

"Ha!"

"But we should work on it this weekend anyway.  It took you too long."

"Onii-chan!"

"No argument."

"But don't you have midterms next week?"

"You let me worry about that."  He took her empty bowl to rinse it out in the sink.  It would be tricky, but he could manage it.  If he spent a couple hours with her tonight, then he could spend the weekend in the library….

"What time will you be home tonight?"

"What do you mean, what time?"  She was picking up her bag now, getting ready to go, and she frowned at him.  "Onii-chan, tonight's the last game of the season.  You said you'd come watch me."

Oh damn, she was right.  He had promised.  Those green eyes were getting bigger, and a little misty.

"Don't worry, squirt, I'll be there."  He picked up her lunch and crossed the kitchen to push it in her hands.  "We'll both be there, and we can give you a ride home after half-time.  Then we can work on algebra.  Okay?"

"All right," she agreed reluctantly.  "Just so long as you get to see me perform."

"It'll happen," he assured her, and kissed her on the forehead.   "Have a good day."

"-kay.  Bye!"  She rushed out the front door, leaving him to sink into a chair and bury his face in his hands.  Once more, he'd barely survived another morning, and he was exhausted.

"Come on, Toya, wake up.  We'll be late for chem lab."  And the day was only just beginning.

"Don't worry, Toya.  I think you're getting better."

"Really, you think so?"

"Oh yes.  She was out of the door three minutes earlier than yesterday."

"I guess that's encouraging."

"You'll make it, Toya. I promise."

- - - - - -

Touya yawned as he watched his sister dance on the field, her baton sparkling in the field lights as she tossed it in the air.  He knew he'd be pulling all-nighters the whole weekend for his midterms, and he was already tired just thinking about it.

"Shake it, sweetie!" 

Abruptly, Touya sat up straight.

"Who said that?  Did you see who that was?" 

Yukito shook his head.  "No, I didn't catch him.  Don't worry about it, Toya.  We'll be driving her home in a few minutes."  Tory was still scanning the bleachers with a scowl.

"I'll break his neck."

"No, you won't.  Calm down and watch your sister.  That's why we're here, remember?"

"Hmph."

"You know, Toya, I'm not sure if you're fully appreciating what's going on on that field out there."

"What, my sister in a tiny skirt being lusted after by total strangers?"

"No," Yukito said wryly.  "Take a look at her face.  See that smile?"  Touya muttered something.  "It's been just two weeks since the funeral.  And here she is, dancing and twirling in front of her classmates.  She's healing.  And you're helping with that."

A tiny smile flitted across Touya's face.  "You think so?"

"I'm sure of it.  The two of you have a rhythm now, and she's responding to you.  She knows how much you care."  Cautiously he placed his hand over Touya's.  "You're making it work.  You should be proud."

Sakura finished her routine and the crowd erupted in cheers and whistles.  For once, Touya didn't fret about who was staring at Sakura the wrong way.  Instead he looked into Yukito's eyes and smiled gratefully.

"Thanks, Yuki.  Love you."

"Yeah.  I know."

**- - at one month - -**

Sakura was making little humming noises as she straddled Li on the chair and pressed harder with the kiss.  His hands traveled down her body and rested on her tiny waist, and he moved to her ear with his mouth.

"Mmm… that tickles."  She giggled.

"Do you want me to go lower?"

"Sure."  He traced his tongue down the side of neck, then began to suck hard.  "Oh… that feels so good."

He pulled back with a grin.

"You think that feels good?  You should try this."  A joint was lying on the table next to the chair, and he picked it up.

"I'm going to inhale this," he explained, "and then when we kiss, I'll blow it into your mouth.  Ready?"  She nodded, her eyes glowing with excitement.

"I'm ready to do anything with you tonight, Syaoran.  Let's go all the way."

Touya jerked awake, terror surging through him and his breath coming in ragged gasps.  His heart was beating fast and hard, and it took almost a full minute for him to realize that it was just a dream.  Just a nightmare, no reason to panic. 

Beside him in bed, Yukito was sleeping peacefully.  They'd moved in to the master bedroom when he decided to move in.  Touya had felt a little uncomfortable with it, but Sakura seemed happy with their decision.  To her, the situation probably resembled having parents.  She needed the structure.

Sakura…

His palms broke out in a cold sweat as he recalled his nightmare.  It was no good; he couldn't let it rest like this.

Quietly he rolled out of bed and pulled on his robe.  Yukito didn't stir, and he slipped out the door and down the hallway.  He would never be totally sure.  No matter how hard he tried, no matter how many rules he set, he would never be completely convinced that he was doing a good job.

Her door was open a crack, and he crept to the side of her bed.

"Sakura?  Sakura, wake up."

"Hmm…"  She rolled over and mumbled something.

"Sakura, can you hear me?"  Her eyes fluttered open and she looked at him blearily.

"Nii-chan?  Something wrong?"

"Sakura, I have to know.  Have you ever done drugs?"  For a moment she just stared into his anxious eyes.  Then she groaned and rolled over.

"Go back to bed, Nii-chan."

"Sakura, I'm serious."

"So am I.  Onii-chan, I'm the Cardmistress; I can fly.  I don't need anything to get high.  I can't believe you think I would even touch that stuff!"

"Are you sure?"

"Onii-chan!"

"What's going on out there?"  Kero poked his head out of his drawer with a sleepy scowl on his face.

"Nothing, Kero-chan.  Nii-chan was just leaving.  Right?"  She rolled back a little so she could glare at him over her shoulder.

"Okay, okay, I'm going.  I just had to know."

"Goodnight, Onii-chan."  She pulled her pillow over her head, and Touya surrendered.  He retreated to her door and paused before shutting it behind him.

He would never know if he was doing a good job.  All he could do was just… trust her.  Like she'd trusted him to be her guardian in the first place.

"Goodnight, Sakura."

**- - at three months - -**

Sakura loved vacation.  For once, she could sleep in, and not worry about her brother yelling at her to get a move on.  She smiled sleepily at the snow that was falling outside her window, then pulled her covers up to her chin and closed her eyes again.  It was going to be a great day.

Downstairs, Touya sipped his coffee and reveled in the peace and quiet.  The snow outside was muffling all sounds, and making the house feel cozy and warm.  He had two weeks before school started again, and he was determined to enjoy it.

Two weeks… wait a second.  What day was it today?  He frowned a little as he moved to the daily calendar by the kitchen window.  Yesterday's page was still there, and he tore it off.  Then, hesitantly, he tore off the next page as well.

"Ohayo."

"Ohayo."  Touya crumpled both pages in his hand and turned around to face Yukito.  "Really coming down out there, isn't it?"

"Yeah.  Something tells me today is going to be a quiet, do-nothing, sort of day.  The kind of day when you just lay around with your favorite person and refuse to think too hard."  Touya grinned.

"I can do that, I think."  He let Yukito lean against him on the counter's edge and they shared a kiss.  After Yukito reluctantly pulled away, he yawned and stretched his arms above his head. 

"I'm thinking it's time to make some pancakes."

"Sounds good to me."  Yukito turned away to open the fridge, and Touya threw the papers into the kitchen trash.

- - - - - -

_Ring… ring…_

Touya reached for the phone and picked it up as he continued to stir the hot chocolate.

"Moshi-moshi?"

Li bit back a groan of annoyance.  _Damn_.

"Kinomoto…san.  May I speak to Sakura, please?"

"Li-kun," Touya greeted cheerfully.  "Of course you can speak to my sister."

"Really?"

"No." 

He was about to hang up when Sakura caught his arm.  "Nice try, Nii-chan.  Now give me the phone."

"Damn, how did you hear?  What are you, a bat?"

"You can build no moats between true love, Onii-chan.  Now give it."

"No." 

"Onii-chan!"  With some difficulty she wrested the phone from his grasp and turned her back on him.

"Moshi-moshi, Syaoran!"  Her tone turned from annoyed to sugary sweet in an instant, and Touya made a face.

"Oh, things are fine.  It's snowing here, so we're just having a quiet day.  How's Meilin-chan?" 

It was going to be one of those long conversations, he knew, so Touya picked up his and Yukito's mugs and retreated to the living room.

"She won't be joining us for the movie," he announced dismally.  "The brat's called.  We can expect her in two to four hours."

Yukito chuckled.  "Well, that's all right with me."  He picked up the remote and pushed Play.  "I should think you'd be pleased.  He's probably calling to check and see how she's doing.  Isn't it nice that he's so concerned?"

"Hmph.  I know what he's after."

"Well, he's in Hong Kong, and you're safe for the time being.  It's supposed to be a quiet day, remember?  Try to relax."

That's right, Touya reminded himself.  He put an arm around Yukito, who leaned his head on his shoulder.  Quiet day.  She won't know, and it'll be okay.  Just an ordinary, normal day.

- - - - - -

"I have to go," Li said apologetically.  "It's time for dinner."  Surprised, Sakura checked the clock by the oven.

"Gosh, already?  Where did the time go?"  It was dark outside now, and she was starting to get hungry herself.  They must have talked for a couple of hours at least.

"It was good to hear your voice again.  So sweet of you to call."

"Well, I wanted to hear your voice too.  I just wanted to check on you, you know."  Li sounded a little hesitant.  "Make sure you're all right."  She smiled a little sadly.

"I'll be fine, Syaoran.  We're getting by, day by day.  It's working out all right."

"Good.  Then… you're okay today?"  She frowned a little.

"Yes, I'm okay."

"All right."  He sounded relieved.  "I'll let you go then.  I love you.  Bye."

"Love you too."  Rather strange.  Why did he keep pressing the issue?  Sakura shrugged and hung up the phone. 

Hundreds of miles away, Meilin examined Li's face.

"Was she all right?" 

He shrugged quizzically.  "She was fine.  It almost sounded as though she didn't know what I was talking about.  Maybe Daidouji got the date wrong."

"Hard to believe.  Tomoyo-san's never wrong."

"Yeah, I know it.  Oh well.  All that matters is that she's okay."

"And she rejoins the world," commented Yukito as he entered the kitchen.  She giggled.

"Hey, we had a lot to talk about.  Are you ready for dinner?  I'll make it; you made breakfast."

"Sounds good to me."  Affectionately he reached out and massaged her shoulders a little, and she closed her eyes in delight.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling fine.  Why?"

"No reason.  Just checking."  He leaned over and kissed the top of her head.  "How would you like to go shopping tomorrow?  You've been growing so fast; you're outgrowing all of your clothes."

"Mmm… I do need some new sweaters.  They're starting to get kind of tight.  Thanks for offering."

"No problem.  I know Toya tries to ignore the fact that you're growing, so he'll never notice.  It'll be easier if I take you."

Sakura smiled, and wondered for the hundredth time where they would be without Yukito.  She'd been right; they had needed him.

"Will this snow be over by tomorrow?  It won't be very easy to drive if it keeps piling up like this."

"I don't know.  Go check the Weather Channel, see what it says."

"Okay," she chirped, and stood to leave the kitchen.  She had to pass Touya, coming from the other direction.

"Did you want me to start dinner?"

"No, I'll do it tonight.  Just start some water boiling."  She walked into the living room and changed the channel, searching for a weather report.  Tomorrow, tomorrow… it was the fifth, right?  She frowned at the TV screen.

No, today was a Tuesday.  This wasn't right.  Why were they saying that Wednesday was the fourth?  Wait just a minute –

She dropped the remote and marched into the kitchen.  Only Yukito was there now, patiently waiting for the water to boil.

"Where is he?"

Yukito gave her a startled look, taking in her wide eyes and rapid breathing.

"Sakura-chan, are you all right?"

"No," she whimpered.  "No, this isn't happening, he didn't do this…"

"What?" 

She was looking at the daily calendar by the window and shaking her head.  "No, no, no, no!"  Now she was pawing through the kitchen trash.

"Sakura-chan, what's gotten into you?"

Still she didn't answer.  Instead she withdrew a crumpled slip of paper and straightened it out.  She looked as though she was about to cry.

"Hey, Yuki, have you seen my - "  Touya walked into the kitchen and froze.  Sakura was holding it in her hands and staring at him with a horrified, betrayed look in her eyes.

"How could you?" she whispered.

"Um, I - "

"Did you do this on purpose?  Did you think that you could make me forget?"  She recrumpled the paper, crushing the January third page in her hand.

"Sakura, calm down."  He tried to reach out and take her hands, but she jerked away.  "I'm sorry, I just didn't want you to have to think about it.  I was only trying to help."

"How dare you?  You really think that making me forget his birthday is going to erase the pain of losing him?  Did you really think that I was that stupid?"

"No!  I just didn't want you to be unhappy!"  She gave him a hard look.

"Well, you failed."  She looked so hurt.  He tried once again to approach her.

"Sakura, I - "  He broke off when she slapped him hard across the face, then burst into tears and ran from the room.

Touya was still for a moment, listening to her thunder up the stairs.  Then the door slammed, and he looked down at the floor.

"I messed up, Yuki."

"Yes, I think you did."  He raked his fingers through his hair, pushing it out of his eyes.  His hand was trembling slightly.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize to me." 

Touya swallowed, and nodded.  Then he turned to the staircase.

"Sakura, open up."  Fruitlessly he knocked on the door.  "Come on, you can't stay in there forever.  I want to apologize."

"Go away!"

"Sakura, I'm sorry, okay?  It was a mistake, I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Well you did!"

"I'm trying to make up for it."  He tried her knob, but the door wasn't opening.  He groaned and slid down to sit on the floor.  "Since when does her door even lock?"

"It doesn't on its own," Yukito said thoughtfully, "but the Lock Card will lock any door.  You're not getting in anytime soon."

"Damn."  Touya leaned his head back against the wood.  "Am I a bad person?"  Yukito sat down on the floor across from him.

"I don't think so, no.  Your intentions were honorable enough.  But you insulted her, Toya.  Trying to hide his birthday just made a mockery of her grief.  That's a deep wound." 

Touya listened carefully.  He could no longer hear her sobbing out loud, but she could still be crying.  There was another sound too, the sound of a lion purring.  Kero must be comforting her.  That should be his job.  He was the one that's supposed to be her shelter from the things that make her cry.  He wasn't supposed to be the one to drive her to tears in the first place!

Something caught in his throat, and he had to choke back some tears.  Sakura was miserable, and therefore he was too.

"How can I make it right, Yuki?  I need some advice."  His friend shook his head.

"I don't know, Toya.  I honestly don't.  This is something that brother and sister are just going to have to work out together."

"If she'll ever let me in."

"She will.  You're just going to have to be patient."  He patted Touya on the leg, then stood and went into their bedroom.  Touya tried again.

"Sakura?  Can you hear me?"

No reply.

"Sakura, I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to insult you.  I know that you miss him all the time, every day.  I shouldn't have tried to hide his birthday."

Still no response.

"I was just trying to protect you.  I know I can go overboard with that sometimes, but I can't help it.  I look at you, and I see this vulnerable, tiny little girl that needs to be sheltered from the world.  I know that's not how you see yourself, but I can't help the way I feel.  I was only trying to help.  I'm sorry."

The room behind the door was awfully quiet, and he wondered if she was even still there.  She wouldn't have flown out of the window in all this snow, would she?

"Sakura, are you still there?"

The door behind his back opened so suddenly that he fell into her room with a yelp of surprise.  Before he could recover, she was kneeling on his chest.

"You shouldn't have done it."

"I know.  I'm sorry."

"But he wouldn't want me to be unhappy on his birthday.  I'm going to forgive you."

He was quiet, watching her face.  Her eyes were red and puffy from crying.

"I miss him so much."

"I know.  I do too."  The pressure on his chest eased as she backed off, and he sat up.

"It's not just his birthday, you know.  There'll be yours, and mine, and then next year's, and the year after that… and then there'll be graduations…and maybe my wedding…"  Some more tears were sliding down her face now.  "I'll always be thinking about him, thinking about the things that he missed.  There's going to be so much of it."

"I know.  But he can see it, even if you can't see him.  They can both see it.  They wouldn't want us to dwell on the fact that they're not there, they would want us to enjoy those moments."

She nodded.

"And I'll be there for all those things, I promise.  I'll always be there.  Okay?"  Again she nodded, starting to cry faster now.  Hastily he took her in his arms, right there on the floor, and rocked her soothingly as she sobbed her pain.

There was no cure.  Only time.

**- - at four months - -**

Touya wondered if he ought to be nervous.  He felt nervous.  Avoiding the eyes of the man across from him, he took another sip of his drink.

"Was there anything you wanted to talk about?"

"Not really, no," Fujitaka answered.  "I just thought it might be nice to have a drink with you.  That's something we never got to do."  He raised his own glass.  "Cheers."

"Cheers."

"Funny, isn't it?  The things that you think you'll have so much time to do, and then you realize that you never got to.  It would have been very easy to have a drink with you; it's not something that takes a lot of time.  But somehow, I just never got around to doing it."

"It's okay, Dad.  I'm not hurt."

"It still irritates me.  I never got to spend as much time with my children as I wanted to, you or her.  And I know it's my fault.  It was just so easy to bury myself in work after Nadeshiko's death, trying to forget the pain."

"We don't blame you."

"I blame me.  I missed out.  I knew what was going on, but I didn't even try to stop it.  It was so much easier to shift the responsibility onto your shoulders.  Another day, I said to myself.  Another day, I will spend more time with her.  I will spend more time with him.  I will try to be a good parent.  Turns out, 'another day' was the day after I died."

He took a rather large swallow and plunked the glass down on the table.  Touya wasn't quite sure what to say, so he just stared into his drink.  Fujitaka broke the silence with a chuckle.

"So my daughter is some kind of sorceress, huh?"

"Um, yeah."

"Well, well.  Just goes to show how little I was around.  I can't believe she hid that little flying bear from me so well."

"Don't feel bad.  She hid it from me too, at first."

"But you figured it out, didn't you?  You paid attention and kept an eye on her, and you figured it out.  I should have done that.  Oh well.  Too late to worry about it now, I suppose."

"I guess."

"And you.  Look at you, with Tsukishiro-san."  Touya flushed a little.

"I, uh, it just sort of happened - "

"You don't have to defend it.  It's a little strange, but I can see that it's working out very well for Sakura.  She obviously likes the arrangement."  Touya looked up, into his father's eyes.

"Do you think that I'm doing all right?  With Sakura, I mean?  I'm trying so hard, but I just don't know if I'm doing a good job."

"Touya, Touya.  You shouldn't beat yourself up like this.  You're doing a much better job than I ever did.  You're being so careful, so protective.  Another few years of this, and she'll probably forget me altogether.  Just like her mother."  A shadow flitted across his face, and Touya cringed.

"Don't say that, Dad.  We'll never forget you, either of us.  She misses you so much, you know.  I do too.  I – I wish you were still alive."

"Don't waste your time wishing, Touya.  You're not the type.  You want something, you do it.  Nothing's going to bring me back, so forget about that.  Just concentrate on doing well in life.  School, your sister, Yukito, all of it.  Don't just work hard.  Enjoy it, too."

"I'll try," he whispered.  Then he leaned in, curious.

"What's it like, Dad?  Death?"  The man across from him just smiled and shook his head.

"Oh, you know better than that.  Questions like that can never be answered.  All I can say is that it is… rather cold."  He nodded to himself.  "Yes, very cold."

"Cold?"  His father was fading now, their surroundings becoming an insubstantial mist.  It was cold on his skin.

"Dad?  Don't go, please.  I don't know what I'm doing, and I'm scared I'm going to screw it up."

There was no answer, and Touya found himself shivering.  It was indeed very cold.

"Dad?"

Touya woke up shivering still, despite the heavy comforter.  Beside him, Yukito was shivering too.

Dad?  What's going on?

He sat up in bed, and with a shock he realized that he could see his breath crystallizing in front of him.  The town was in the middle of the worst freeze of the decade, but they should have been all right inside.  Unless...

He slid out of bed, wincing as he made contact with the cold floor.  Hastily he pulled on his robe.

- - - - - -

He kept trying, and trying.  But one disaster after another kept on happening.  Did something like this ever happen to Dad?  He doubted it.

Touya glared at the deathly silent heater in the basement, smirking at him in the glow of his flashlight.

"How can you be broken?" he appealed to it.  "Stop it.  This is absolutely the worst time to do this!"  It ignored him, and remained dysfunctional.  Touya was good with machinery, good with things, but everything that he'd tried yielded no results, and he was out of ideas.

"Come on," he pleaded.  "Just this once.  Please?  My fingers are turning blue here."

Still no response, and he struck at it angrily.  The cold metal was extremely painful on his knuckles, and he yelped.  After swearing colorfully at it for a few minutes, he admitted defeat at last and turned to go up the stairs.

If it wasn't one thing, it was another.  They'd all get pneumonia.  The Office of Minors' Affairs would just love it: his little sister in the hospital just four months after he swore he'd take good care of her.

He reached the upper floor and sighed.  There was only one thing he could think of to do.

Softly he crept into Sakura's room.  She was shivering too, underneath her blankets, her skin very pale and white in the moonlight.  She was a heavy sleeper, fortunately, and didn't wake as he pulled back her blankets and picked her up in his arms.  Memories came rushing back; that day that he had found her at school and told her, how she had fallen into his arms and he had held her as she cried. 

He knew at the moment how it would be.  How he would sacrifice anything for her, do anything to ease her pain.  Everything Touya did, he did for her.

He pushed open his bedroom door with his foot and tenderly lay her down in the bed next to Yukito.  Then he returned to her bedroom for her comforter and Kero, also sound asleep.  He still didn't know if he was doing an adequate job, but he was trying.  No one could fault him for that.

Kero he lay down on the bed between Yukito and Sakura.  Then he spread out Sakura's blanket on top of their own, and crawled into bed.  Not very roomy to be sure, but the body heat of all three of them should be enough to keep her warm.  Already it looked as though she was shivering a little less.

"You know I love you, right?" he whispered.  Her eyes were closed, her expression peaceful.  "I hope so."

He wrapped his arms around her and felt her little body stop shivering altogether, and he smiled. Then he closed his eyes, and slept.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Disclaimer:  I do not own these characters.


	3. ch3 the test

**Chapter 3**

**'the test'**

**- - at six months - -**

Touya gazed glumly at the rack of dresses.  He hated shopping, hated places like this, and he didn't want to be there.  But it had to be done.

"How about this one?"  Yukito pulled a pink one from the rack.  "It's her favorite color."

"It's also way too short.  Why don't we just sew 'slut' onto the front?"

Yukito rolled his eyes and replaced it.  "Of course.  That's the tenth one you've shot down, Toya.  Why are we doing this?  You could just get her jewelry, or something."

Touya jammed his hands into his pockets.

"No.  You said she's outgrown all her dresses, she needs a dress.  So I'm getting one for her, and that's final."

"Well, it's clear it's never going to happen this way.  I'll pick up Tomoyo-san this weekend and we'll get something.  She knows what Sakura likes."

"What?  But - "

"Come on, Toya."  He held out his hand.  "Tonight was just recon anyway.  We should go meet up with her."  He glanced at his watch.  "She'll be waiting by the food court."

Toya allowed Yukito to pull him out of the store, though reluctantly.

"But I want to do it."

"Toya, you'll never be able to.  You know, I know it.  So just let me and Tomoyo-san take care of it."

"How did this happen?" Touya grouched.  "How is it that she can be turning fourteen already?"

"Your little girl is growing up," Yukito teased.

"I am not amused, Yuki.  This year is going by way too fast.  This constant juggling act between my classes and helping her with her homework has made it a blur.  I'm still not sure if her grades are what they should be."

"Relax, Toya.  I finally finished my paper this week, and I'll be able to spend more time with her on her classwork."

"You will?"  
"Absolutely."

"Arigatou, Yuki."  Touya flashed him a grateful grin and squeezed his hand.

"Oh look, there she is."  Yukito nodded his head to the mall's ice cream stand.  She was turned slightly away from them, talking to someone that he couldn't quite see.  But he had a funny feeling in the back of his mind, a kind of odd sensation that was really Yue's, not his.  He shook his head slightly.

"Toya, I've got this weird feeling…"  They drew near Sakura and she turned, her eyes sparkling.

"Onii-chan, Yukito-san!  Look who's come to town!"

It was Hiiragizawa Eriol.

"Konichiwa, Kinomoto-kun."  The teenager made a small bow of respect, which was not returned.  Touya was stunned into silence, his eyes a little glazed.  "It's nice to see you again.  And hello, Yukito-san, Yue.  I hope you're both well."

"Fine," Yukito said automatically.  Touya was still opening and closing his mouth, desperately trying to form words but unable to speak.

"It's so good to be here and see you all again."  He glanced back at Touya.  "Allow me to offer my condolences for your loss."

That seemed to click with Touya, and he straightened a little.  "Arigatou," he finally said.  Then he gave Sakura a suspicious look.  "When did he get here?"

"Just now.  I ran into him while waiting in line for ice cream."  Happily she licked the chocolate ice cream in her cone, and Touya bristled when he saw Eriol watching her.

"What a coincidence, I'm sure," he muttered.  Then a horrible thought struck him.  "Wait a second.  If you're here…"  He narrowed his eyes at Eriol.  "Then that means - "

"TOUYA-KUN!!"

Somebody bowled into him from his left, almost toppling him.  Before he could even react, Nakaru had her arms around his neck and her mouth on his.  Enthusiastically she pushed her tongue into his mouth and pressed her voluptuous body up against him.  She was actually humming with pleasure.

Yukito raised his eyebrows.  Eriol raised his eyebrows.  Spinel, peeking out of Nakaru's purse, raised his eyebrows.  And Sakura burst into hysterical giggles.

Touya was gasping for air when she finally pulled away.

"It's so great to see you again, Touya-kun.  You sure look good.  Been working out?"  She traced her fingers down his biceps, and he tried to push her away.

"Perfect," he snarled.  "Just perfect.  I woke up this morning - " she was nuzzling his neck now, he pried her off, "- and I thought, gee, things sure have been calm lately - " now she was nibbling on his ear, and he jerked his head away, "- I sure wish some new challenge would present itself.  I sure could use the excitement!"

It was like trying to disengage with an octopus.  How did she have so many hands?

"I'm glad you feel that way, Nii-chan," Sakura said sweetly.  "Because I invited them to stay with us."

"What?"  He gave his sister a horrified look as Nakaru covered the side of his face with little kisses.  "You said _what?_  Would you get off me, damn it?"

"Nii-chan, they're our friends.  How could I not?"

"Friends?  Did I hear you correctly?"  Nakaru was stroking her hands down his shirt and he grabbed her wrists.

"Eriol-kun helped me gain full control over the Cards.  Where would I be without him?"  Nakaru leaned forward and kissed him again as she pulled his arms around her waist.  With some difficulty he managed to turn his head away.

"Sakura, no!"

"Onii-chan!"  Those green eyes widened, and she bit her lip.

"Oh no… no, don't you dare try to use that face.  It is not going to work."  Her face fell; she looked so disappointed.

Oh Jesus.

He sighed as Nakaru ran her fingers through his hair.

"How long?" 

She perked up again.  "Arigatou gozaimas, Nii-chan!  They came for my birthday, isn't that great?"

"Your birthday!" he spluttered.  "That's a _week_ away!"

"I know.  Won't it be fun?"

"Won't it be fun, Touya-kun?" Nakaru repeated, brushing her fingertip across his lips.  He resisted the urge to bite it off.

"Get off of me, already.  Christ, you're messed up."

"Mmm… you don't mean that," she cooed.  He would never survive this week.  Again he tried to push off the clingy brunette.

"You can stay in Onii-chan's old bedroom," Sakura offered to Eriol.  "It's right next to mine."  That was the first time that Touya noticed she was holding Eriol's hand.

"No," he snapped.  "Absolutely not.  Eriol is on the couch downstairs."

Eriol smiled, a glint of amusement in those blue eyes.  "Very well.  I thank you for your hospitality."

"Then I guess you can stay in that room, Nakaru-san," Sakura continued.  "It's right across the hall from Nii-chan and Yukito-san."

Nakaru's eyes lit up as she took his hands and rubbed them gently.

"Ooh… intriguing.  I'll be right across the hall.  Do you sleep in just boxers?"

"Oh god," he whimpered.  What in the name of all that was holy did he ever do to deserve this?

"Enough."  At last he managed to get a hold on her wrist and twisted until he had her arm pinned behind her back.

"Hey!" she complained.

"Shut up.  Hiiragizawa, you're in my old bedroom.  Akizuki, you can sleep in Sakura's bed.  I'll be on the couch, and Sakura can sleep in my bed with Yuki."  He directed a haughty glare toward Eriol.  Sakura would be safe enough from him if she slept with Yuki.  Eriol just smiled that enigmatic smile again and nodded.

"You're okay with that, right Yuki?"  That was the first time he realized that Yukito had been oddly quiet throughout the entire exchange.  His boyfriend was looking at Nakaru, and then at him, and then Nakaru again.

"Yuki?"

"Sounds fine to me, Toya," he finally said.  "Shall we go?"

"Please."  He pushed Nakaru away and quickly distanced himself.  Yukito held out his hand but Touya didn't see it, busy pulling Sakura out of Eriol 's grasp.  "Let's go."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Touya-kun… Touya-kun, can you hear me?  Wakey, wakey." 

It was an annoying voice, a voice that he knew.  He didn't want to respond to it, and tried to roll over.  But he couldn't move.

"Come on, Touya-kun, it's morning."

Something was pressing him down, something heavy.  His eyes fluttered open and he found himself staring straight into Nakaru's mischievous eyes.  She was lying on top of him.  
"Get off," he said sleepily.

"But I'm comfortable." 

"I'm not."  Bracing himself against the couch, he managed to push her off and with a squeal she tumbled onto the floor.  Unfortunately, she also dragged him along with her, and they landed in a tangle on the floor.

"Ooh, somebody likes it rough."

"What is wrong with you?  Why are you doing this to me?"  Her hands were everywhere, and he was forced to pin her wrists to the ground.  "Isn't it obvious that I'm involved with someone else?"

"Oh, Touya-kun, surely it could never be like what we had.  We had something special, don't you think?"

"There was no 'having' of any kind when you were here last.  You assaulted me; I hid from you.  End of story." 

She pouted a little, pursing her lips.  "It's not healthy to deny your true feelings, Touya-kun."

"My only true feelings," he gritted, "are that I want you out of this house, away from me, away from my sister, away from Japan.  Preferably before I go insane."

She struggled to push him off, but he was too heavy. 

"You can say whatever you want, but there's no denying the fact that it's you holding me down.  Isn't that right, Yukito?"

Touya looked up to see Yukito standing in the doorway, staring at the two of them with an odd expression.  Hastily he rolled off of Nakaru and stood.

"Yuki, there you are.  Is Sakura up yet?  She's going to be late."

"She's getting dressed.  Unlike you."  He had a point.  Touya was still in the old T-shirt and flannel pants that he slept in, and behind in his morning schedule.

"Oh jeez, _I'm_ going to be late!  Can you make sure she has a good breakfast?  I need to go shower."  He rushed past Yukito toward the stairs.

"Want company?" Nakaru called out.

"No!"

- - - - - -

When Touya returned to the kitchen, frantically buttoning his shirt, he found the entire group eating pancakes.  Eriol was at the stove, making another batch.

"Ohayo, Onii-chan," Sakura pipped.  "Look what Eriol-kun's made for breakfast.  Isn't he sweet?"

"Wonderful.  Did you drink some milk yet?"

"Onii-chan!"  She blushed a little and glanced at the teenager in the kitchen.  "I wish you wouldn't treat me like I'm a little girl with that."  Touya looked at Yukito and Yukito shook his head fractionally.

"I wouldn't if you would drink it like you're supposed to."  He poured a glassful and set it in front of her.  "You're not going anywhere until that's gone."

"Want some syrup, Suppi?"  Kero was grinning wickedly as he poised the bottle over Spinel's plate.

"Get that away from me, you beast."

"Now, boys," Eriol remonstrated.  "Don't start any commotion at the table.  Kinomoto-kun doesn't look like he needs it."  He smiled sweetly at Touya's glower.  "Pancakes?"

"No thank you.  I've lost my appetite for the morning.  Sakura, did you finish your homework all right last night?  I forgot to ask, what with hiding from Akizuki all evening."

"Don't worry, Nii-chan, it's done.  Yukito-san checked it for me."

"Arigatou, Yuki."

"Is that what you were doing when I finally found you in the closet?" asked Nakaru thoughtfully.  "I thought you just wanted some privacy for the two of us."  Sakura almost choked on a pancake, she started laughing so hard.  Touya ground his teeth. 

"Eat up, Sakura.  You're going to be late."

"Don't worry, I'm going."  She gulped the last of the milk to wash down her breakfast and stood.  "Eriol-kun's offered to walk me to school.  He'd like to say hello to everybody."

"Oh really?"  He turned and snagged Eriol by his collar, pushing him up against the sink.  Lowering his voice, he leaned in close, eyes flashing.

"Listen up.  You even _think_ about touching my sister, I will put a piece of your hip in your neck, and I don't care whose reincarnation you are.  Got it?"

Eriol nodded.  "I wouldn't dream of it, Kinomoto-kun.  And don't worry."  He extricated himself from Touya's grasp and sidled away.  "She's in good hands."

"Son of a b - "  Touya started in his direction, but Nakaru intercepted. 

"So Touya-kun, are going to let me come to your classes with you?"

"Dream on.  There is no way I'm taking you to school with me."  He tried to step around her, but she moved to block his path.  Eriol was holding Sakura's hand again, opening the door for her.

"Wait, Sakura, don't - "

"Bye, Nii-chan!"  She was out the door before he could finish, and Eriol slammed it shut.

Damn it!

"Well, what I am supposed to do all day?  I'll be lonely without you."

"Tough."

"Come on, Toya, we'll be late."  Yukito was standing by the door, pulling his bag over his shoulder.

"Oka-ay," Nakaru sang in a lilting voice.  "I'll just stay here with the guys.  We'll hang out…unsupervised…"  Touya halted mid-stride toward the front door.  Already Kero and Spinel were wrestling on the table, making a mess, as Kero endeavored to pour syrup in the other's mouth. 

"Hey!" Spinel protested as Touya picked him up by the scruff of his neck and stuffed him inside Nakaru's purse.

"Shut up.  We're going to school today."  He pushed the purse into Nakaru's arms, and nodded toward the front door.  "Move it.  Kero, make yourself useful and clean up the table."

"Yeah, right."  Touya gave him an exasperated look, then shook his head and joined both moon beings at the door.  There was no time to argue, they were late as it was. 

He couldn't believe he was taking this wench to class with him.  But it was just for the day.  Tomorrow was the weekend, and then he could figure out what to do with her.  Tomorrow would be better.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Ohayo, Touya-kun," sang that annoying voice.  Even without opening his eyes, he knew she was lying on top of him.

"I refuse to acknowledge your presence," he murmured.  "Just get off of me, and go away.  Let me sleep."

"Sleep?  It's already nine o'clock in the morning, you lazy head."  He could feel her fingertips running through his hair, brushing it back from his face.

"Stop it."

"Make me."

"It's Sunday morning for crying out loud.  Would you just let me sleep?"

"Aren't you hungry?  Yukito made breakfast."  
"Good for him.  Why don't you go eat it?"

"Mmm…the only thing I want to eat is right here."  She pressed down on his mouth with an intense kiss, forcing him to open his eyes at last.

With a muffled protest, he tried to push her off, but she was gripping the cushions below him and refusing to budge.  Yukito walked into the living room at that moment, swallowed, and turned right around and walked back out.  At last Touya managed to get his hands free and he dug his fingers cruelly into her stomach.

"Ouch!"  She was forced to sit up and pouted.  "What did you do that for?"

"Why do you think?"  He wiped his mouth on his sleeve and tried to spit out the taste.  "I cannot understand why you keep attacking me like this.  What did I ever do to deserve it?"

"Why do you consider it an attack?"  She ran her hands lightly over his chest.  "Isn't a kiss just a kiss?"  Touya sat up with a jerk and gripped her neck in one hand.

"Hey!" 

"Quiet."  He squeezed, and she gave a choking gasp.  "Let's get one thing straight.  You are not my girlfriend.  You never were my girlfriend.  You are not at all supposed to be kissing me, or touching me, or molesting me in any fashion.  Leave me alone."  He pushed her off the couch and stood up, yawning.

"Touya-kun, don't do this to me!  It hurts me when you push me out.  When have I not been there for you, hmm?"

"You're joking, right?"  He moved to the kitchen, then turned to the front door when he heard a knock.  Who on earth would come over at this hour?  Tomoyo?  "You're an evil, winged thing that helped your boss mess with my sister's head for months.  I don't even get why she's being so nice to you all."  All his attention still on the pest, he fumbled for the knob and opened the door without looking.  "You've done nothing but screw with Sakura ever since you got here!"

"Ahem."  He turned to see an elderly woman standing on the porch, a file in her hands.

"Hello," he said uncertainly.

"Kinomoto-san?"

"Yes…"

"Tsujitane Yumi des.  From the Office of Minors' Affairs.  It's been six months, and I'm here to conduct a random check-up on Sakura's home life."

Touya stared at her for a long, excruciatingly uncomfortable moment.

"Oh," he finally squeaked.

"May I come in?"

"Um, of course.  Of course you can come in."  Touya had to force himself to back away and allow her in.  He was painfully aware of the fact that he was still in the clothes he'd slept in, and that his hair was a scruffy mess.  "I'm sorry I look like this; it's rather early…"

"I wanted to be sure you'd be home."

"Oh.  Right.  Um, can I get you something?"

"No, thank you."

"Okay…"  She gave him a measuring glance and marched past him into the living room.  "We, uh, have a couple of relatives staying here, you know, for Sakura's birthday next week.  That's why it's a little messy."

"Relatives?" 

"Cousins.  From England."  She was glancing at the papers in her hand.

"Really distant cousins," he amended.  "But they've been to Japan before, and we're friends, so it's like, um, they're close… cousins."  He was flushing, and he clamped his mouth shut before he said anything else too stupid.  She was staring at the living room now.  No, she was staring at Nakaru, draped across the couch like a Persian cat.

"Touya-kun," she cooed.  "Who's your friend?  Don't tell me you've been cheating on me."

Touya forced a quick laugh.  "Ha, ha, Nakaru.  Who is my _cousin_.  Very funny."  He took the woman's arm and pulled her into the kitchen.  "She's such a kidder."

Eriol and Yukito looked up when they entered the kitchen.  Ms. Tsujitane looked a little confused.

"How many people did you say were visiting?"

"Uh, a couple.  Hii- Eriol here is from England, and Yuki is, um, a friend who comes over sometimes…"  His voice trailed off when he saw the hurt in Yuki's eyes.

"Yuki, Eriol, this is Tsujitane-san.  From the Office of Minors' Affairs."

"Oh," they both said, and nodded understandingly.  She was looking at the table, still sticky with syrup from yesterday.

"Sorry about the mess," Yukito said quickly.  "It's a little hectic around here.  I was going to clean it last night - "

"That's fine," she interrupted.  "I know.  Cousins from England."  She was looking around.  "Is there anybody else that I should meet?"

"No," Touya said quickly.  "That's everybody."

"HA!"  Kero's voice carried clearly down the stairs.  "I smoked ya!  I told you that I owned level 13 on this game!"

"Cheater," complained Spinel.  Touya smacked his hand to his forehead.  How many rings were there in this hell?

"I must have left the radio on.  I'll just go and turn it off."

"I would like to see Sakura-san, if that's possible."

"Of course!" he shouted over his shoulder.  "I'll just go and see if she's up."

Touya disappeared up the stairs and Yukito began to scrub the table top.

"Can I offer you some breakfast, ma'am?"

"No, thank you.  Very kind of you to offer, seeing as how you don't live here."  She gave him a shrewd look, and he blushed. 

"Well, I, uh, I spend a lot of evenings here.  I help Sakura-chan with her homework, sometimes."

"I see."

Yukito winced and directed a panicky look at Eriol, who only smiled and shrugged.  A tense silence followed, broken at last by Touya and Sakura descending the staircase.  She looked a little sleepy, but at least he'd been able to get her into some clothes.

"Ohayo, Sakura-san.  I'm glad I finally found you in all this crowd."  Sakura blushed a little at that.

"Good morning, ma'am.  Sorry about all the confusion.  It's just that my birthday's next week - "

"Fine, fine," she interrupted.  "I understand completely."  Sakura wasn't so sure that she did, but she nodded anyway.  "Is there somewhere that we can speak?"

"Dad's old study," Touya suggested.  He saw Sakura cringe a tiny bit; they'd hardly been in there at all in the past six months, but he couldn't think of anywhere else. 

"That will do.  Lead the way."  Sakura gulped and showed her down the hallway, and Touya cast one last despairing look at Yukito before following.

Ready or not, here we go.

- - - - - -

"I couldn't help but notice," she began, "that your grades seem to have suffered a decline since the previous year.  Are you getting adequate motivation here at home, Sakura-san?"

Touya closed his eyes briefly, wishing he were a hundred miles away from here.  But Sakura was gripping his hand tightly for comfort.  She needed him.

"Oh yes," she assured the woman.  "Onii-chan insists on checking my homework every night, and he takes an avid interest in my classwork.  It's just that my classes are really hard, and I don't always understand the material."

"Do you tell him this?"

"Um, sometimes.  And he tries really hard to go over it with me on the weekends.  It's my fault, honestly.  I was never really an academic type."

"I see.  It says here that you belong to several clubs…"

"Yes, I do.  I'm in cheerleading and gymnastics, and Onii-chan always comes to watch me perform.  He believes in supporting my interests."

"You never feel ignored, or abandoned?"

"Far from it.  Onii-chan is extremely overprotective, and he's always worrying about my safety.  I have to be home by sunset every day, and he makes sure that I call and check in if I ever go anywhere after school."

"So you might say he's stifling."

"No!  No, he lets me do fun things too.  He knows how to relax and have a good time."

That didn't come out quite the way she intended.  "Not that he does that very much.  He's very focused on his schoolwork."

"To the point of shutting you out?" 

Sakura sighed.  "No.  He's just a very hard worker, that's all.  I know that if I ever need help with anything, he will put aside his own work give me his complete attention.  He's a very good listener."

"Do you have a lot of problems?"

"Not really, no.  Just minor things.  You know, every day teen girl stuff."

"Do you never feel a little isolated, a young girl growing up with only a man in the house?  Whom do you talk to about female issues?"

"Tomoyo-chan.  I mean, my best friend and her mother.  They're both really great for that kind of thing."

I don't even want to know, thought Touya.

"Does your brother have no serious relationship with anyone?  No female interest?"

"No," Sakura answered truthfully.  "He's got his hands full with me, I think."  Touya saw her looking at him, and he quickly assented.

"Nope, no girl on the line.  Sakura's the only woman in my life for the time being."

"I see."  She placed her papers on the desk.  "May I speak to Sakura alone for a moment now?"  
"Of course."  He hastily stood and exited the room.  The door to his father's study was very thick and solid, and whatever it was, they were speaking quietly.  He gave up trying to listen and leaned against the opposite wall.

- - - - -

"Are you comfortable, Sakura-san?  Do you always have enough to eat?"

"Definitely.  My brother and I share the cooking, and he always makes sure there are plenty of groceries."  Actually, that was Yukito's job, but she knew better than to say so.  "He's really good with money.  There's always plenty if I need something like clothes or books.  It helps that he never touches alcohol or anything."

"Good to know.  Do you feel like you're eating the right kinds of foods?"

"Yes.  Onii-chan's been cooking for years, he knows how to make a really good, well-balanced meal.  And he makes me drink a glass of milk every morning, no excuses."

"Mm-hmm.  Last but not least, Sakura-san, are you happy?  Do you ever regret choosing this situation over the other that was presented to you?"

Sakura hesitated.  "I'm content.  I miss my dad a lot, but I'm learning to live with the fact that he's gone.  And there's no way that I would be any better off living with Daidouji-san.  She's wonderful to me, and I know she has a lot of money, but my brother loves me like nobody else does.  He watches over me with such devotion that sometimes it takes my breath away.  I know he's a little young for it, but he was born for this.  He likes to protect people, and that means me.  We're happy together."

Tsujitane-san seemed satisfied.  She nodded, and began to gather the papers together into their file.

"Well, it doesn't seem to me that you're holding anything back.  I would concentrate on improving those grades, but other than that, it seems as though you're doing quite well.  I hope your cousins aren't staying very long."

"No.  No, I think they'll be gone after my birthday.  I know it's a little noisy here, but I kind of like it.  It's fun."  The older woman nodded and stood.

"Not so much fun for your brother, I think." 

Sakura giggled.  "Probably not."  She opened the door and gave an encouraging smile to her pacing brother.

"That will be all for now, Kinomoto-san.  We'll be continuing to monitor Sakura-san's well-being, but it seems as though you have everything fairly well in hand.  Unless any disasters occur, expect to hear from us in about six months."

"Okay," he said, trying not to let the relief in his voice show too much.  "It was good to see you, I mean, I'm glad you approve, I…"  Oh, what the hell.  He shrugged and gave it up.  He'd passed, and that was all that mattered.

By the time he'd escorted her out the door, he was limp with exhaustion, and he threw himself onto the couch.

"I'm going to get some breakfast, Onii-chan.  You want anything?"

"No, go ahead."

"Okay."  She leaned over and kissed him on his forehead, which made him smile, and turned to go into the kitchen.  Presently he heard someone else approach and sit in the chair by the couch.

"Go away, Akizuki."

"She's not here at the moment," Eriol answered.  "I could go and get her for you."

"Please don't."

"Very well.  How do you think you did?"  Touya shrugged his shoulders against the cushions.

"I don't know.  Marginal, I guess.  Your circus crew didn't exactly help with that."

"Most unfortunate timing."  Eriol leaned back in the chair and gave the man on the couch a measuring look.  "You were really worried, weren't you?"

"Don't you start analyzing me," Touya threatened.

"Just observing."

Observing…  Something occurred to Touya, and he opened his eyes.

"That's why you're here, isn't it?  You're watching me, making sure that I'm doing a good enough job."

"Perhaps."

Terrific.  That was all he needed, the bizarre reincarnation of the world's most powerful wizard, here to judge his parenting ability.  Suddenly the government wasn't the threat anymore.

"What are you going to do if I don't pass?"  Touya was remembering all the things that this kid had done, all the powers that he had at his disposal.  It was a little scary.  "I'll die before I let you take her away from me.  It's not going to happen."

"Worry about that bridge when you come to it, Touya-kun.  I'm here to wish her a happy birthday, and extend my sympathy regarding your father.  That's all."  He stood and left the room, and Touya groaned.

- - - - - -

Hiiragizawa wouldn't really take Sakura away, would he?  Sakura was the one with the Cards now, she wouldn't just let Eriol separate them, right?  Assuming, of course, that she really did want to stay with him. 

Touya fretted the rest of the morning, his fraying mood not helped by the rowdy inhabitants of his house.  Finally he took a book outside in the hopes of getting some peace and quiet, not to mention distracting himself from his worries.  But it was futile, and he flipped through the pages of his textbook without seeing them.  He hadn't made it this far just to lose her now.

It was a few moments before he realized Yuki was crossing the yard, and looked up wearily.

"There you are.  Sakura-chan sent me to find you.  She was wondering if we could all go out to the movies or something tonight."

"Hmph."  Touya rested his head against the tree's rough bark and tried to swallow another groan.  "That's all I need.  More opportunities for Akizuki to assault me.  It never stops; I don't think I can take it anymore."

"Uh-huh."  Yukito wasn't looking him in the eye.  "She's pretty."

Touya gave him a puzzled look.  "Yeah, I guess." 

"And she really seems to like you.  You've hardly been apart since she got here."

"What?"  Touya's thoughts were still lingering on Hiiragizawa and his sister, not particularly paying attention to the conversation, but finally something in his boyfriend's tone clicked.  "Oh my god.  You're jealous!"

Yukito blushed faintly and stared at the ground.  "No I'm not."

"You are!  I can't believe it – you're jealous!  I can't think why, you know I hate that witch."

"Well, I - "

"Do you know what this means?"  Touya's eyes were sparkling with excitement, and he jumped to his feet.  "It means that I get to be the level-headed one for once.  Not you, me!"  All this time, while Touya was on the brink of possibly losing Sakura, Yuki had been worried about something as trivial as this.  He should be annoyed, but for some reason he was enjoying this.  "How could you ever think that I don't love you the most?"

His lover flushed.  "I just -"

"There's a time to stop being paranoid," Touya declared firmly, telling himself as much as Yuki.  "If someone tells you they love you, then trust them already."

Sakura would never leave him for Hiiragizawa.  How could he have been so stupid?

"Toya?"  Yuki looked a little taken aback.  It wasn't Touya's nature to be so open, but the taller boy felt as though some great weight had tumbled from his chest.  Neither Hiiragizawa or Akizuki would ever come between him and the ones he loved.  It was a revelation worth celebrating. 

"Never mind.  Let's not talk."  And before Yukito could demur, he'd pushed him up against the tree.

They started to kiss.

Up in Sakura's bedroom, a teenager with calm, mysterious blue eyes watched the scene unfold through her window.  The smile that he wore was just barely detectable.

"Nakaru."

"Hai?"

"I've learned what I wanted to know.  You don't need to pester Kinomoto anymore.  We'll be leaving after Sakura-san's birthday."

"Aww… are you sure?  It was so much fun."

"I'm sure.  The relationship is real.  They'll both be there for Sakura-san.  That's all that matters."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Disclaimer:  I do not own these characters


	4. ch 4 to let go

**Chapter 4**

**'to let go'**

**- - at seven months - -**

"Thirteen… fourteen… fifteen…"  Touya grunted as he pushed the bar up again.  At long last, he'd finally been able to get a bench press, and a heavy punching bag was next on his list.  His old bedroom was turning into a workout room.

"Sixteen… seventeen… eighteen…"

"Hey Nii-chan."  Sakura skipped into the room wearing a smile of anticipation on her face.

"Twenty-five," he finished, and put the bar back on its rests.  "What is it?"

"Are you ready to go?"

"Pass me that towel.  Ready for what?"

"You know, you said you would take me shopping today.  For a bathing suit."

Touya gave her a skeptical look before taking a gulp from his water bottle.

"When did I say that?" 

Sakura fidgeted a little.  "Yesterday.  When you were playing footsies with Yukito-san under the table and not really paying attention to what I was saying."

Touya flushed.  She was good.  She was very, very good.

Sakura saw the look on his face and hastened to explain.  "Look, Onii-chan, I wouldn't press the issue, honestly.  But I simply don't fit into last year's suit, and I need to wear something at the pool."  Touya was still scowling.  "If money's an issue I can always just borrow one from Tomoyo-chan - "

"No," he said quickly.  "Money is not an issue.  It's just that you know how I feel about shopping."

"I know."  A sly look came into those green eyes.  "You could just give me the money, and I could go with Tomoyo-chan."  He uttered a short, sharp laugh as he stood.

"You really think I'm going to fall for that one?  I intend to be there when you pick out this year's lust suit, no question.  Just let me shower, and we'll be on our way."

- - - - - - -

"You didn't have to come, you know," Touya told Yukito.  "I feel bad putting you through this."  He looked around him with distaste.  Everywhere, as far as he could see, there was nothing but girl's clothing, girl's accessories, girly things.  Yukito smiled at his expression.

"That's all right.  I have a feeling you two are going to need me."

Sakura poked her head out from behind the changing room curtain.  "I've found it," she related, glowing.  "I've found the perfect bathing suit.  I'm in love."  Touya perked up.  That went much quicker than he thought it would.  Then he narrowed his eyes. 

"Let's see it." 

She hesitated.  "Onii-chan, do you remember what Dad said last summer?"

"Gee, let me think…"

"About my bathing suit?  I know you were there and you heard it, because you spat out your drink on the table and had a coughing fit."  Touya did remember, but he didn't acknowledge it, and crossed his arms.

"What are you talking about?"

"He said, next summer, which is this summer, I could have a bikini if I wanted."

Dread knotted up in Touya's stomach.  "Sakura, you get out here right now."

"Okay."  She took a deep breath and pulled back the curtain.

_Wow._

Yukito couldn't help it, he whistled.  She blushed and smiled, then twirled a little for his benefit.  Touya just uttered a moan like a soul in torment and covered his eyes.

"No!  Absolutely not!"

"Onii-chan!"

"I said no!"

"But Onii-chan, come on.  I look great in it."  She cast an admiring look into the mirror.  It was a beautiful little pink bikini that accented her developing curves, with a gold clasp on the top's front. 

"That, Sakura, is precisely the problem."

"Onii-chan, what is your issue?  Why can't you ever let me have fun?"

"You can have fun in a one-piece."

Five, thought Yukito.

"Onii-chan, I love this suit!  I need this suit.  It's perfect for me."

Four.

"Sakura, you don't understand how guys think when you wear stuff like that.  It's disgusting!"

Three.

"Like you'd know," she snapped, and put her hands on her hips.  "Dad said I could have a bikini this year, Onii-chan.  This is the one that I want.  And the price is totally reasonable!"

Two.

"Dad's not in charge anymore," he pointed out.  "I am.  And I don't care what he said; you are not getting that suit!"

One.

"YUKI!"

"YUKITO-SAN!" 

Simultaneously they turned and glared in his direction.

"Tell my brother - "

"You tell my sister - "

"- that he's the most stubborn, pig-headed - "

"- she cannot go out in public like that - "

"- puritannical - "

"- I might as well put a red light over her head - "

"- overly obsessive, paranoid - "

"- she doesn't understand how men look at her - "

"- maniacal freak!"

"- and it is not going to happen!"

People were starting to look in their direction, and Yukito tried to quiet them down. 

"Shh, you guys, calm down.  You're attracting an audience."  They both crossed their arms and glared at each other.  "Toya, try to relax.  You have to admit that the price is very reasonable."

"That's not the issue!"

"But Toya, if her dad said that she could have one this year, then you should probably honor his word."

"But - "  Yukito grabbed his arm and pulled him aside.

"Toya, she's a teenage girl.  She's got her heart set on this suit, are you really going to break it?"

"But look at the way she looks in it!"

"I know you don't like it, Toya, but she loves it.  Doesn't she deserve to look nice?  Every girl wants to look beautiful.  It's only natural."

"I cannot in good conscience allow her to get this suit, Yuki.  I would be failing as a guardian."

"All right.  We'll compromise."  He released Touya and turned back to Sakura.

"Sakura-chan, you can have the suit."

"What?" she said in delight.

"What?" Touya asked in horror.

"If you make ninety or better on your final algebra exam."

"Oh."  Her shoulders slumped a little.  Touya relaxed.

"This is the only solution that I can think of.  Either way, each of you will win something.  Is this acceptable?"

Sakura shrugged, resigned.  Touya grunted.

"Shake on it."  Grudgingly they shook hands.  "Now Toya, you've made a contract.  If she gets that grade, you will get her this suit.  All right?"

"All right," he sighed.  "It's not going to happen anyway.  I'm safe."

Sakura bit her lip.  She knew she really didn't have a good grasp of the material, but this was quite an incentive.

"We'll see."

**- - at eight months - -**

The first day of summer vacation had arrived at last, and Sakura sighed happily as she entered the gates of the public pool. 

"Sakura-chan!  Over here!"  Tomoyo had already arrived, and waved at her from where she sat with Naoko and Rika.  Sakura returned the wave, then shouldered her bag that contained sunscreen and a towel.

"Coming!"  She glanced over her shoulder.  "Hurry up, you two.  I need to get to work on my tan right away."

Touya muttered something under his breath.  "I can't believe she actually made a ninety-three on her exam.  How did she do that?"  Yukito shrugged and smiled.

"Given the proper incentive, it's amazing what people can do.  She asked me to give her some extra tutorial sessions."

"Traitor."

"Hey, that grade was what got her an overall top score.  You should be thrilled."

"Yeah."  Touya watched his little sister prance along the side of the pool, turning every guy's head.  "I'm absolutely ecstatic."

"Now remember, Onii-chan," Sakura cautioned.  "You said you would stay a minimum of five chairs away from me, and that you would not say or do anything too embarrassing.  I'm here to hang out with my friends."

"If you're worried about my behavior, then you shouldn't have brought me."  Sakura rolled her eyes.

"I didn't bring you.  You insisted on coming along."

"Minor detail."

"Whatever.  Just please, please don't do anything too humiliating while we're here.  Okay?"

Touya glared at her and threw his towel on an empty lounge chair.

"I don't know what you think I'm going to do.  I know how to behave – um, I know how to be - "  It was becoming more difficult for him to concentrate.  Sakura was pulling off her shirt, and a boy about her age climbing out of the pool was staring at her with his mouth open.  "I, uh, know how to beha – Hey! What the hell do you think you're looking at?"  He glowered at the boy, who gulped and dove back into the water.  Sakura made an exasperated noise.

"See?  That's exactly what I'm talking about.  Yukito-san, please try to keep my brother from killing anyone today, all right?  Now I'm going to go sit with my friends and try to enjoy myself.  You should do the same."  She turned on her heels and strode over to Tomoyo.  Touya sulked and threw himself down on the chair.

"Oh come on, Toya, try to relax.  You're never going to stop men from looking at her, no matter what she's wearing.  She's growing up to look just like your mother."

That elicited only a moan of despair on Touya's part, and Yukito chuckled.  He sat on the edge of the lounge and rubbed Touya's shoulders a little.  Generally they were very careful about touching in public, but it was so hard to resist.

"Come on, you're not doing yourself any favors by stressing like this.  Just try to have fun.  Finals are over, you earned a top score in all your classes, you deserve it."

Touya remembered what his father had said.  He really should try to enjoy himself.

"All right," he said grudgingly.  But if anybody touches her - "

"I know, I know.  He's dead.  Don't worry.  I don't think any of them are that stupid."

"Oh, Sakura-chan, you look so cute in that new bikini," squealed Tomoyo, five chairs over.  "I wish I had my camera."  Sakura blushed.  "That's going to be a great tan, isn't it?  I'm sure he'll appreciate it - "

Sakura hastily put a finger to her lips.  Touya was only a few feet away, and he just might hear.  Tomoyo took the hint, and shut up.  They exchanged conspiratorial smiles, and Sakura lay back on her chair.

"I'm just here to relax and have fun, Tomoyo-chan.  That's all."

- - - - -

Yukito clapped along with the rest of the crowd as Sakura completed a somersault dive into the pool. 

"She sure is getting good," he appraised.  Touya had his eyes firmly shut.

"Did her top come off in the water?"

"No, Toya.  Just like it didn't any of the other times she dived today."

"It could happen."

"Well, it won't.  Stop worrying.  I thought you were going to try and relax today."

His friend on the chair next to his was rigid with apprehension as his eyes followed Sakura.  She was stopping to talk to some friends of hers on the far side of the pool now.

"I am relaxed.  I am so relaxed.  You are looking at the picture of relaxation.  I'm about to melt into a little puddle, I am so relaxed."

"I'm not convinced," Yukito said dryly.  "Why don't you swim a few laps, work off a little of that energy?"

"And take my eyes off her?"

"That's the idea.  I'll watch her."  Touya gave him a measuring look, then stood and took off his sunglasses.

"Fine.  A few laps.  I'll be right back."

"Enjoy."

Touya snorted and strode to the edge of the pool.  He noticed a few girls admiring his muscles, and he blushed.  If it wasn't one thing, it was another.  At least Akizuki wasn't around anymore.

He dove into the pool and began to swim.  He was a strong, quick swimmer, and he crossed the width of the pool in record time.  When he hit the far side and paused, he realized that someone was cheering.

"Yay, go Onii-chan!"  Sakura was clapping and smiling at him, smiling proudly.  He grinned, then pushed off the wall again.  She was proud of him, he realized.  She was actually proud of him, proud that he was her brother.  And that was the important thing, right?

Touya was feeling much better after ten laps, and he hauled himself out of the pool, dripping water and glowing.

"Feel better?" Yukito queried.

"Much.  I'm ready for a drink.  Want anything?"

"Sure.  I'll take a Coke."  He handed Touya some cash and Touya crossed the grounds to the snack bar.  It was a hot day and many others had done the same, forming a small crowd clustered near the counter.  He was waiting patiently when he heard the conversation behind him.

"Man, Sakura Kinomoto is _so_ hot."

"Tell me about it.  That little pink number is delicious."

It was a couple of boys lounging near the poolside, facing away from him.  Touya stiffened.

"How many ways would you taste that cherry pie?" one asked, and they both snickered.  Touya cracked his knuckles.  He'd break the arm of the first one, then before the other had a chance to react –

"Not worth the risk, though.  Nobody gets past that fire-breathing brother of hers.  The guy's a total psycho."

"I heard he threw out Yuuhi-kun when she brought him over to study.  Threw him out the _window_, I mean."  Touya shrugged and smirked.  In his opinion the kid was lucky the window was already open, it wasn't like there was any breaking of glass.  But you'd never know that the way Sakura had fumed for the rest of the night.  Oh sure, she _said_ he was her assigned partner for the biology project, but she didn't notice the way he was sidling up to her on the couch and –

"Besides, everybody knows that Kinomoto is still into Li-kun.  Lucky guy.  She'd never even look twice at me.  Li-kun's probably the only guy that even has a chance of standing up to her brother."

Touya hmphed a little at that, though quietly.  It was his turn, finally, and he pushed the money across the counter.

"Two cokes, please."  He was thirsty, and he took a big swallow of one.

"Hey, speaking of Li-kun, I heard he's coming back for a visit in a couple of days."  Touya choked on his drink, and some of it went up his nose.  Oh- ouch!  That really burned!

"No kidding?  We should get a pick-up game of soccer going… he's the best right-hand forward I ever knew."  The two boys fell into a detailed discussion of soccer strategy, which Touya missed.  He was marching across the grounds now, fury and determination building with every step.

Yukito saw the change, and cringed a little.

"What's with you?  And where's my drink?"

"Where is she?" Touya snarled in response.

"I'm not really sure, I – oh, there she is."  Yukito nodded toward Sakura walking past them on the way to rejoin her friends.  "Wait, what's wrong?"  Touya didn't answer, but hastened to intercept Sakura.

"Hey Nii-chan, what's up?"

"You really thought you could get away with it, didn't you?"  He crossed his arms, and she flinched a little.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Nice try."

"Look Onii-chan, I don't know what's wrong with you, but I need to get back to my fr - " she started to walk around him, and he grabbed her arm.  "Ouch!  Let go!"

"He's coming.  Here.  In a couple of days.  And you were going to hide it from me, weren't you?"  Sakura tried vainly to wriggle out of his grasp. 

"I was going to tell you."

"When?"  She looked away, and he gripped both of her arms, holding her tightly.  "Ha!  You were going to hide it!"

"Only because I knew you would react like this!  I knew you would freak out and go haywire and chain me to my bed.  You are so predictable!"  She looked over at Yukito appealingly.  "Yukito-san, help!"

"Gomen, Sakura-chan, I'm not getting in the middle of this one." 

"Yuki, did you know about this?"  His friend raised his arms in surrender.

"I swear I didn't, Toya.  She pulled the wool over both our eyes."

"I knew you wouldn't keep it from him," Sakura pointed out.  "Now Onii-chan, please let go.  You're embarrassing me."  Indeed, people were starting to look their way.  "It's no big deal.  He's coming for a couple of weeks, just like every summer, he'll stay at Tomoyo-chan's, we'll just hang out.  That's all!"

"More like make out.  You must think I'm really dense."

"No!  I just wanted to spend some time with him, that's it.  And I knew you wouldn't let me!"

"That's because I know what he wants."

Sakura considered telling him about how she had begged Li to take her, and he had refused.  It probably wasn't a good idea, she would only get in worse trouble.  Instead, she tried to pull away again.  It was futile, her brother was much stronger than she was, and he wrapped his arms around her tightly.

"Hey, stop it!"

"So, you think I'm predictable, huh?" 

Sakura yelped as he picked her up off her feet.  "Onii-chan, stop it!  Put me down!"

"Yuki, my sister thinks that I'm predictable.  Can you imagine that?" 

Yukito grinned.  "No, I can't."

"Would a predictable guy do this?"  He walked toward the edge of the pool.

"Hey, no, stop it!  Onii-chan, don't you dare!"

"Should I?" he asked of the avid crowd.  Everybody erupted in cheers and shouts of encouragement.

"Onii-chan, don't!"

"Promise that you won't see him."

"No way!"

"Then in you go."  He tossed her, shrieking helplessly, into the deep end.  Everybody watching clapped and laughed.  Even Tomoyo was giggling.  Sakura was furious when she finally got her head above the surface.

"Onii-chan, that was so uncalled for.  Why do you overreact like this?"

"Like what?"

"You know!"  She threw her arms up in exasperation, and promptly sunk in the water.  She had to remind herself to keep treading.  "Nothing is going to happen between me and Syaoran, I swear it.  Why can't you just trust me?"

"Because you're too young.  I'm the older, wiser voice of maturity."

"Maturity!  That's a laugh.  You freak out at every little thing, and you have no sense of proportional reactions."

"Yet I am still in charge.  And I say you're not seeing him."  He knelt to give her his hand, and she grasped it.

"I'm the Cardmistress, Onii-chan.  And I don't give up that easily."  Too late, Touya saw the look in her eyes, and tried to back away.  But she squeezed his hand tightly and yanked, pulling him into the pool with her.  Once again the crowd laughed.

"You little wench," he spluttered.

"Serves you right."  She gave him a haughty look and tried to climb out of the pool.

"Oh no, you don't."  With a squeal she found herself being dragged below the surface.  Touya was incredibly strong, and he held her below the water for twenty seconds before letting her come up for air.

"This is abuse!" she shouted.

"No, it's tough love.  I know what's best for you, Sakura, admit it."

"No."  She pushed down on his shoulders, submerging him.  He was glaring daggers by the time that he broke free.  "I love Syaoran.  Why can't you understand that?  I'm going to see him, and I don't care what you do.  You can't stop me!"

"I can stop you," he promised, and wrapped his arms around her to put her in a choke-hold.  But Meilin had showed her how to get out of this, and she twisted and pulled him below the water with her.  Together they rolled underwater for several seconds, and then finally Sakura managed to claw her way to the surface. 

"Overbearing - "

"Conniving - "

"- won't let me live my own life - "

"- you don't understand the way the world works - "

"- just let go already!"

"- you first." 

Deadlocked, they paused for a moment in their wrestling to catch their breath and glare at each other.  Then, unexpectedly, Sakura giggled.

"What?"

"He would be laughing so hard if he could see us."  Touya looked surprised, then he smiled too. 

"He can see us.  He's probably rolling around helplessly right now."  Sakura laughed again at that, and Touya couldn't help it.  It was laughter that invited company, laughter that would not be ignored.  He started too.  Sakura was laughing so hard that she couldn't stay afloat, and Touya had to wrap an arm around her.

"Whoops, careful.  We don't want you to drown."

"I know," she gasped between giggles.  "I – I love you, Onii-chan.  You're the best."  Enthusiastically she hugged him, and they sank below the surface again.  Underwater, he returned her hug, squeezing her gratefully.  She was his little sister… he loved her and he didn't ever want to let go.  But he knew that one day, it was going to happen.  All he could hope for was to have as many moments, like this one, as was possible.  That's what love was all about, after all.  Trusting them to come back when you let them go.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"That's when I knew it was going to be all right.  That Toya would learn to start trusting his sister, because he knew how much she really loved him.  And that she would respect him and listen to him.  It's a long road yet, but I think they'll make it."

Yukito paused to listen to a bird singing its song on a nearby tree branch.

"They drive each other absolutely crazy, you know.  Hardly a day goes by without a shouting match, and possibly something being thrown.  But deep down, they're loving it.  They distract each other from the pain.  They really do need me as the referee; I don't know how they'd manage without me.  It's nice to feel needed.  As myself, that is, and not just the disguise form of Yue.  I'm happy.  I think Toya's happy.  And I'm sure Sakura-chan's happy."  He checked his watch.  "She's probably hugging Li-kun right now at the airport.  Toya drove her there to meet him.  He can rant and rave all he wants, but I know he wants her to be happy, and he knows that Li-kun helps her with that. 

So I guess that's all I wanted to say.  That we're all doing fine.  They miss you so much, both of you, but they're all right. They're doing okay.  Wherever you are, just know that, and be content.  Your children will be fine."

Yukito turned away from the gravestones, and took a moment to savor the evening summer breeze.  He needed to get home and start dinner.  Li would be eating with them that night, of course, and then Sakura would walk with him back to Tomoyo's.  Touya would probably insist on following, and there would be another battle.  It didn't matter.  Yukito knew it would turn out all right.  Things were going to be just fine.  Life was going to be all right.

**The End**

Disclaimer:  I do not own these characters.


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